How to Make a Guy See You as 'Wife Material'

"When it comes to dating, guys sort women into three different pots. There are girls you bang, but don't date. There are girls you date, but don't marry. And then, there's wife material." My friend Andrew explained this to me as I sniffled about my most recent breakup.

Ah, wife material. The one type of qualification that seemed to elude me despite how hard I tried to find a spouse. I wanted to be a wife. I yearned for a spouse of my own—and honestly, I wanted it so bad, it literally hurt my heart to think about it.

I thought back to the breakup: "You're wonderful, but you're not really marriage material, babe, you know what I mean?"

I hated it. It was a sentiment I'd heard often, but it was one that still frustrated me. I thought of myself as a good girlfriend. So why were guys so insanely against fully committing to me?

I did what I could for my partners, but it seemed like it was never enough. I was frustrated, watching other women get what I wanted like it was easy. It was infuriating, to say the least.

Eventually, Andrew clued me in on the fact that most guys need to see certain traits before they put a ring on it. Here's how to be the "marrying type" to guys.

Be mature.

Though guys love to treat the girls they love, they don't want to feel like a babysitter. They don't want to have a fully-grown child they have to take care of, nor do most men really want to have a sugarbaby as a wife.

Being able to handle your own is attractive to men, and finding women who have their shit together is hard to do. Needless to say, most men count maturity as one of the leading traits to qualify a girl as "wife material."

Emotional Intelligence

I'll be blunt: most men are not good at handling their emotions. They tend to bottle things up till they pop, they may not even figure out why they feel the way they feel, and at times, they just really can't communicate if their lives depended on it.

In many relationships, women are the ones who have to have the emotional intelligence. If you can't talk things out, maintain healthy boundaries, and also handle your emotions, guys will not want to marry you.

Get his family's approval.

For most men, family matters more than you'd think. Though this isn't true in all cases, most men will not consider a woman to be wife material if their families don't approve of her. This is especially true if the guy in question is a notorious Mama's Boy.

This was the most common issue that I had dealt with when it came to guys. Despite my good intentions, most of the families of guys I dated didn't approve of them dating a punk rock-looking weirdo.

Work on your communication skills.

Communication skills go hand in hand with emotional intelligence, and honestly, communication is key to a healthy relationship. Most problems can be overcome if you talk it out—but if you can't do that, you're done for.

Whether it's the ability to have a good conversation, the skill of being able to argue without fighting, or just a knack for being tactfully assertive, communication matters. It matters a lot, and even the most obtuse man knows this.

Though this really isn't a good policy, many guys will tolerate women who are terrible communicators as girlfriends but will refuse to marry them.

Own your lifestyle.

I once heard a person say that women tend to pick online dates based on the type of lifestyle they see reflected in their profile. It's a good way to find someone who has their life together—and let's face it, not many people do these days.

With guys, things are a bit different. They will often pick online dates based on looks, but will pick their wives based on the lifestyles they live. Men don't want to be with someone whose lifestyle is toxic, nor would they want their potential kids to be exposed to that.

Take a look at your life and the way you live it. Would you want to marry someone that lives that way? Can you honestly say that you like the way you live? Can you say your lifestyle is healthy? If so, you would probably be wife material to someone.

Be genuinely kind and caring.

If there's one thing that will make guys run for the hills, it's a cruelty. No man wants to be the fool who ends up paired with a cruel woman, because they all know that her cruelty will eventually find its way to him.

A kind heart, though? Most men love to see someone who has that—and why wouldn't they? It's a rare trait to see a person who has genuinely selfless kindness in their soul. It's something that makes a woman a great wife and wonderful mother.

Present yourself as a lady, not a tramp.

Here was another issue that I had with most guys I dated. They were perfectly happy to have me as a girlfriend because I was great in bed, a good cook, honest, and kind to them. I treated them like kings. But you know what they didn't want to do?

They didn't want to marry me because I didn't have an acceptable "look" for a wife. I wasn't the wholesome-looking girl guys wanted to be seeing married to; I was a graver with a heart of gold. Sadly, that meant that the pool of people who might ever see me as a wife was incredibly small.

I honestly can't emphasize how important presentation is to guys. Men, above all, want to marry women that make them look good to others. They want the girl with the status. They will most likely want the "presentable" girl—even if she's not necessarily the best one for them.

Have hobbies and values similar to your partner.

The values a person holds will be what makes or breaks their long-term compatibility. This is because the beliefs you hold and the things you view as fun tend to be what molds your life. If you two are polar opposites in that respect, you will be miserable together.

A person who is a Christian fundamentalist will be highly unwilling to date a very vocal atheist. A person whose life is devoted to the Wall Street lifestyle will not want to date a Bohemian Betty, let alone marry one. It makes sense, doesn't it?

Be in a good emotional state of mind.

Everyone has problems, and that includes the emotional and mental issues that you might face as you walk through life. It could be anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD—anything, really.

We all will have moments where we struggle with mental health. The difference between girlfriend material and wife material is how well you cope with it, and how much effort you put into self-care.

Men don't want to put a ring on someone who's too emotionally unwell to handle their day-to-day lives, or even not self-aware enough to know it's impacting their relationship. A little bit of work on your mental health can do wonders for your relationship and can also do amazing things for your life in general.

Be financially responsible.

Money is a big issue with guys—a really big issue. This is doubly true if you are talking marriage. Marriage isn't just about love; it's a business contract too.

A guy will not see a woman as wife material if he doesn't get the feeling that she's trustworthy with his money. And rightfully so. Money can ruin your relationship if you're not careful. Bad spending habits, gold digger habits, or financial dependence are all red flags guys are wary of when choosing a spouse.

Know your way around a home.

Whether guys want to admit it or not, most men want to marry a woman who is handy at home. Things like having a hot meal on the table, being able to reach into a drawer and grab clean socks, and coming to a clean home matter.

Men typically look at housekeeping skills and child-rearing skills as traits of a good wife. Heck, some of them will even look for these skills for regular long term relationships, too.

Though most guys are totally okay with sharing housework, having a girl who is a good housekeeper does rank high as far as priorities go. Even if you're not looking to get wifed up, you should consider learning these skills simply because they are so useful to have.

Finally, take care of yourself.

All the love and affection you give will probably not hold a person's attention if it's clear that you don't care about yourself. Things like caring for your nails, your hair, keeping your waistline thin, and even just going out with friends make you a better partner.

You probably wouldn't want a spouse that doesn't care for himself at all, would you? At the end of the day, if you wouldn't marry you, chances are men won't see you as wife material either.