How to Not Make Amends

This is the story of how I tried to make amends and how that went horribly wrong. First, a bit of backstory.

I dated this guy (let's call him Ron) in my junior and senior year of high school (we were on and off twice and friends through the rest). We started dating in May of my junior year and I had another interest at the time as well, but I stayed faithful to Ron when we were together to not break his trust and ruin the relationship. After a couple months, being the teenage girl I was, I decided to follow my heart, end things with Ron, and try for a relationship with my other interest, Vincent. Check out "A Modern Love Story" if you want that whole story... I asked Ron if I could call him and he kept avoiding the question, probably knowing the outcome if he said yes. Knowing I would lose my nerve if I didn't end it that day, I texted it to him. I felt awful and I'd never broken up over text, but when I called him he sent it to voicemail. Ron was, of course, heartbroken, but I didn't want to have these feelings for Vincent and simply push them onto Ron, that just wouldn't be fair to him.

Did I forget to mention that Ron lived over 700 miles away from me? Yeah... Vincent lived very close and I'm a physically affectionate person. Anyways, while the first ending with Ron was difficult, I didn't find the same happiness with Vincent, and because Ron and I were still friends, I missed and wanted to be with him instead. I asked him to be with me again in January, about seven months after I had ended it the first time. I felt horrible through the entire ordeal, but when he said he would take me back, I felt like I was walking on air! Skip forward a few months, I go to his house to meet him for the first time and it was a great trip! Our first kiss was amazing and I could see us together for a long time!

After getting back, I could see us growing apart. I could tell there was still a lot of pent up emotion from Vincent in both of us and I could tell it was eating away at him more and more as time went on. I tried to get him to open up more about what he was feeling, but he would always bottle it up and act like he was fine.

He ended things in a fury. It was the first and only time I'd ever known he was angry. He ended things over text the same way I had, but he said things. Mean things. "I hope you can find someone to put up with all your BS even though you don't deserve it." That's the one thing from our almost year of friendship that still rings in my mind when I think of him. He blocked me on every platform we had previously used to communicate, and had all his friends and family that I knew through him do the same. That's what hurt the most.

Jump ahead two years. I leave to go to the city that he lives in for the first time since I went to meet him for a conference. I thought back and remembered I had his email still if I could go back and find it. I did. I had a dream about him while preparing for my trip, so I decided to try to bury the hatchet and make up for the pain I'd caused. I wrote to him.

Ron

It’s been quite a while. I’m not sure if you’ll read this email seeing it’s from me, but I hope you do.

First off, I wanted to briefly apologize for all the shit I put you through. I was immature, insensitive, and frankly a bitch through a large portion of our relationship. I did care about you and your feelings, I just was going through a very rough time emotionally (I know that’s no excuse).

Secondly, I’m taking a trip to your city again for a conference and was wondering if you’d want to see me again. If not, that’s perfectly fine. I hurt you and I’m not sure if you’ll ever forgive me, but I hope I can try to make it up to you. I’m planning on going to lunch with one of your friends one of the days and I really hope that you read this and would want to see me as much as I’ve wanted to see you. I plan on apologizing more in-depth through email if you respond and don’t want to see me, or in person if you are available and would allow some of your time to be spent on me.

I have really missed you in my life and I know I’m the reason you stopped talking to me. I feel I’ve matured and grown past most of the reasoning for the demise of our relationship. I ruined what we had because I was selfish and not caring enough, I want you to see how I’ve changed.

I hope you can forgive me. I’m not sure when or if I’ll ever be in a city around you again after this conference so I hope I can see you one last time.

I hope this message finds you well,

Jane

After sending it, I felt hopeful. I was excited for the potential and waited for a response. I didn't have to wait very long because a few hours later I got a response. Except, it was from his girlfriend. I always knew Ron was too shy to really solve problems on his own, so I wasn't expecting to hear from him, but I really wasn't expecting to hear from someone else in his place. Here's her response. (The profanities will be asterisks.)

Sincerely, Ron's Girlfriend was the subject line.

I don’t know where you get off thinking you have any right to speak or even think about someone you’ve hurt as deeply as you have, but let me adjust some obviously loose screws in your head for you.

Ron doesn’t think about you. He doesn’t miss you. The only time he’s even breathed your name was to tell me how f***ed of a memory you are, how you sucked some other dude’s d*** because clearly your morals are as spot on as your ability to tell when you’re no longer wanted or needed, and, finally, how glad he is I’m nothing like you.

Though I must say, from what I heard, you’re less a memory and more like a nightmare and you just keep popping up like you’re relevant when you’re not.

I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but when someone doesn’t talk to you on their own, that doesn’t mean they miss you, that means they wanted you gone. You look desperate. You’re not mature by trying to weasel your way back in through his friends either. Last time I checked, you weren’t so fond when Nathan tried to get with you, but now you want to hangout? You may think you matured in your own little mind, but it’s so painfully and embarrassingly clear you’ve taken several steps backward.

I know Ron is a good man, baby girl. I know for a fact... but that’s none of your business anymore. That’s 100 percent your f***ing loss and my gain and we’re busy being happy. In case you’re not getting it, in no way, shape, or form is that any thanks to you.

Leave my f***ing boyfriend alone.

You’re irrelevant. Get that through your head.

You’re an old story and he and I are both sick and tired of you popping up. Be pissed, be insulted, and feel hurt if you want, but this is your issue. You were asked to be gone, you wouldn’t. He walked out on you, now you’re pawing at his feet.

Now I’m telling you as nicely as possible to get lost because no one has the time or f***ing patience for you anymore.

F*** you. You don’t deserve it.

P.S. Don’t worry, I cleaned up your mess. He’s comfortable in his own skin now and, if there’s one thing I’ve made sure he knows about me that he didn’t know with you, it’s that I love and appreciate him for exactly who the f*** he is.

Wow... I was shocked... I didn't know I was that bad! Anyways, I learned that sometimes you can't always make amends! I emailed both of them back simply saying I didn't deserve that and that the message was hurtful, inaccurate, and that I wouldn't be messaging them again.

I beg of you dear internet readers, did I deserve this response? Was there something in my email to trigger that response?