How to Read a Gaydar

Everyone knows that there are some people with an exquisite gift of uncovering one's deepest secrets, and everyone knows that the gays are exceptionally talented at finding out the secrets of their closeted kin.

Before we begin, there are several types of gaydar blips; they vary in levels:

*Before we continue, while these are legit types, most of the names I made with a group of my fellow gays. So terms are interchangeable.

The first one is called Clocking; clocking simply means "noticing." A queer person might notice that a person is particularly flamboyant or just openly gay. Clocking is the equivalent of being obvious whilst still being subtle. A gay person can be clocked simply by talking, smiling, or laughing. It's our way of saying "I'm here, but I don't care if you notice."

Ex. "I definitely clocked this dude yesterday. He mentioned he had a boyfriend but didn't get into it."

The second type is something I like to call Jocking. It's the thing that masculine gay guys do when they're trying to still blend in. It's the looks they give, holding stares too long, the laughing is a little high-pitched, and they also have a lot of girls hanging around them for some reason.

Ex. "I'm tired of all these gays jocking it up just to get some attention, my god."

The third type, (which I'm guilty of) is called Peacocking. It's a bit dramatic but it just means that a gay guy is very extra. Peacocking can be dressing up to impress, always making a scene, and attempting to draw attention. Peacocking will likely get you outed so be careful if you're still closeted.

Ex. "Okay, so Jimothy was definitely peacocking yesterday. He was doing the most."

The fourth type is Ghost. Ghosts are gay guys that literally nobody knows is gay. If a ghost is spotted, gays usually tend to leave them alone. It's nobody's business.

Ex. "I'm pretty sure he's a Ghost, but it's none of my business. He's really nice and doesn't annoy anybody."

The fifth type is called Sugarfoot. The heteros can clock this one because he's extra feminine, doesn't pronounce his "d", and reads everyone for filth. Be warned, though they may be filled to the brim with sugar, they have the strongest gaydar I have ever seen.

Ex. "He was really sugarfooting at Angelo's party yesterday. I think he was drunk."

There are much more but I will end the blips here. Now that you have the information and can spot these blips yourself, you can spot any gay here from Chickasaw, Missippi, right? Wrong! If you have a gaydar, chances are you either grew up around a ton of queens or it's possible you might be gay yourself.

Don't be sad. I can't seem to point out a lesbian unless they hit me in the face. It's just the way it is. Gaydar is a blessing and a curse, but please be aware that just because you might think or know someone is gay doesn't mean you should tell anyone or out them.

Seriously, there are reasons people are still in the closet. So if you have gaydar, use it but don't abuse it.

Gay people have been practicing and honing their skills since the dawn of time. Gaydar came about as a means of survival. As you may or may not know, straight people don't like to be called gay. Knowing and not knowing the difference between someone that is attracted to the same sex and someone who isn't is a big factor in our everyday lives. It isn't some annoying, mythical, unnecessary tool that people assume it is. It's very helpful.

Gaydar doesn't even have to be used to be used to attract romantic partners. Eight times out of ten, it's used to make friends. People attract like-minded people. Gay people already have to put up with cis-het (straight people) on the daily. Finding friends that you can share the struggle with makes living life in this crazy world eleven hundred times more bearable.

"What it says on your driver’s license isn’t really who you are—you are something much greater than that.”-RuPaul

Oh, and by the way, f**k labels.