How To Set Boundaries for a Fulfilling Friendship

How many times have you felt burnt out from a friendship that used to bring you happiness? Have you ever snapped on one of your closest friends because you felt smothered? Did you try to fix the problem by completely ignoring your feelings only to have it blow up in your face? You're not alone. Setting boundaries in relationships can be tricky, especially when it comes to platonic friendships. Romantic relationships often come with expectations set in place, but friendships can be harder to navigate at times. Read on to find out how to set boundaries for a fulfilling friendship without destroying what you already have.

Evaluate Your Current Relationships

The first step in setting boundaries for your friendships is evaluating the current health of all your relationships. Think about your best friend, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your coworkers, your family members. When you think about each of these relationships, which ones make you happy? Which ones stress you out? Dig deeper to find out what part of each relationship brings you happiness. For example, your favorite coworker may be your favorite because they always make you laugh. They bring you joy in a stressful work environment. On the other hand, your least favorite coworker may only bring you stress by complaining about their workload to you any chance they get. List some examples that define each relationship, then break it down even further. Look for related traits among the people that make you happy, sad, angry, or otherwise. Setting boundaries that promote healthy, positive relationships can only be done after you've determined which relationships drain you and which ones energize you.

Visualize Your Ideal Friendship

Once you've done some investigating into your current relationships and what they bring to your life, you can start to visualize your idea of the ideal friendship. In a perfect platonic friendship, how do you communicate with that other person? How often would you like to talk? Is socializing in person important to you? For me, I love having a best friend to text regularly throughout the day. I appreciate a soundboard for my daily complaints, accomplishments, and what I order at Starbucks. For me, texting is better because it's more private and there are fewer expectations to keep up a constant back and forth. However, I know many people who could do away with texting entirely and be happy with a daily phone call. Though it might seem like a small detail, it's important for you to be clear and honest with yourself about things like this.

Think about your current relationships that make you happy and take the best parts of each one to model your ideal friendship. Visualize it as if it already exists in your life. Imagine you and the other person doing your favorite things, having energizing conversations, inspiring each other, laughing together, or doing whatever makes your heart full. This will get you in the mode to maintain only friendships that fit with that image.

Set Your Boundaries, Then Enforce Them

Now that you've determined what it is you'd like to change in your current relationships and what your ideal friendship looks like, it's time to make it a reality. Take some time to write down your relationship goals and your boundaries so that you can read them as often as you need. Think of these as relationship affirmations; the more you repeat them and begin to believe them, the more your subconscious will work to help you enforce them. Commit to at least several boundaries that you will set up and maintain in all your friendships. I have a list of my own, including:

• I will leave my phone on Do Not Disturb while I'm working.
• I will not feel guilty for ignoring a call while busy.
• I will only engage in conversations with friends that are two-sided.

These rules fit my life based on previous challenges I've had with friendships and relationships in general. Maintaining these three boundaries and not caving in on any of them has made drastic differences in my life. And those are just a few examples. Your own boundaries may be completely different, but whatever they are, stick to them as if they are promises to yourself. Having quality relationships is a cornerstone of living a happy life. Make this a priority and you will soon reap the benefits of fulfilling friendships.