Hurt

You can do this.

It all started sophomore year of high school. I met this guy at church. We dated for 3 months and I broke up with him after he kept begging for me to take his virginity. We went our separate ways. Two years later we meet again. It's our senior year. I’m dating his best friend. Little did I know they were best friends. It was awkward. Fast forward to graduation morning. We’re getting our cap and gowns. I'm going around seeing friends and there he is again. My heart stopped. We were the only two in the room, what it felt like. He was tall and handsome. I told myself, “No, I can’t like you. I can’t.” I invited him over to my house. His car broke down and he pulled over to fix it. He needed a shower. So I said he could have a shower. It was a bad idea. We were home alone. We kissed. My heart stopped again. The world stopped moving and I fell in love. I knew he was going to be the one for me. But I couldn't. I had to hate him. Fast forward to July. Mind you this is all in the year of 2016. We got together officially. We told my parents in August. Him and I dealt with a lot. It made us stronger. 

This man, I ended up marrying. We got married June 30, 2017. Best day of my life. Before we got married he was in training for the Air Force. During that time I got depressed and his family started to hate me. I didn't do anything wrong. His older sister and I got into an argument over the wedding and if it was going to be that day. Well, his brother, my husband, wasn't even home from training. So instead of being an adult, she went and burned my clothes. I tried to get them that night but I wasn’t welcomed at their house. A few days later I met up at a gas station to get my clothes and everything else from his father. We waited over 30 minutes for my father in law to get there. After he got there he went inside and made us wait even more. Finally he comes and leaves all my stuff on a curb. I check to make sure my things were there. They weren't. He tried to leave and attempted to hit my aunt, no he did hit my aunt. Multiple times. It was chaotic. His father lied. 

He finally is home. My favourite person in the world is finally home. I can finally get married. We did. It was a very small wedding. No one knew we were getting married until 5 hours before it. Only my mom, dad, and sister were there. I hated it for him. My heart broke for him. 

My husband got orders for Germany. Okay, thats new. I’ve never been. It’ll be exciting. I start working on getting everything ready. I go visit my family in Georgia. While I’m there, he threatens divorce. Says he’s not happy. Okay, well what do I need to do to make that happen? I did everything. I bought books, downloaded apps. It was helping. It fixed our marriage. Or so I thought. 

Fast toward to December of this year, 2017. I have everything packed, I have my passport, just needed tickets and certificates for our dog. He pulls the divorce card again. Says he’s not happy, I’m selfish and immature and not ready for marriage. Okay, I’m not gonna beg for you this time. I’m broken. I’m hurt. I’m angry. How can the one person I love in this entire world just up and leave me? I’m feeling my world come crashing down. 

During the whole time our relationship, he threatened to leave multiple times. I should’ve let him leave the first time. Every time we got into a fight, he’d threaten to leave. This is emotional abuse. He is an abuser. I deserve better. I will and can get better. After this is over, I will be stronger. He will regret it one day. If he does, I won’t be coming back. I am strong. 

If he ever reads this, I want you to know, I have always loved you. I will love you till the end. 

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Hurt