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I Almost Lost My Best Friend

But we're not the same anymore.

By Jade kusmierzPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Dear best friend,

We met years ago in the hell we called school. I was the outcast. The loner. The weirdo. And you... you were the pretty one, the one every guy and girl loved. You were the popular one with all the friends. And we were total opposites. I could have never imagined that one day we would be the best of friends and doing everything together. You said hi first. And that was it. That's all it took. A simple "hi"... That's what started it all. It was all up hill from there. We were inseparable. I practically lived at your house. We did everything together. And we never got tired of each other. We could sit for hours just watching TV not saying a word to each other and that was okay, because we enjoyed each other's company. We went through so much together — from boyfriends, heartbreaks, moves and so much more. We were so crazy back then. I still sit and think about those days. I would get detention, so you would too, just so I didn't have to sit alone. You would call in sick... so would I... Everyone was so jealous of the Friendship we had it was perfect... was.

Then the day came... I met him... my soul mate. The love of my life. The one who years down the road would end up being the father of my child and my husband. You were so happy for me when we got together. And everything was perfect. Life was perfect. But one day... he decided he didn't like you. And I had to choose... him... or you... I chose him. But I tried to hold us together. I would talk to you when he wasn't around. I tried so hard to make him like you. But he wouldn't change his mind. And again...I chose him.. We would go months without talking then I'd strike up a conversation. I promised you I won't go away again... And then a couple months later, I'd say the same thing. And every time... he grew to like you less and less. And we would fall farther apart. Years and years went by... I moved far away, had a child, and got married... and you did the same. Neither one of us attended the other's wedding like we swore we would do. I didn't hold your hand during labor... and nor you mine... and it's my fault. Five years, best friend... it's been five years since we hung out, since I've seen you. And I miss you every day. I checked your socal media often, just to see how you were doing, to see how successful you have been. I'm so proud of you and who you have become.

Now finally, after five years were talking again. We reminisce on old times. We laugh and joke about the stupid things we used to do. And talk about how life used to be. But it's different. It's not the same. The laughs seem forced and awkward. There's long silences and things we don't dare talk about anymore. Why? Is it because we're both secretly scared it will end again? Or has our friendship come to an end but neither of us want to admit it? It's funny how when we were kids we swore we would never be apart. Look at us now... It's all my fault. And even though we talk now, it's not the same. Will it ever be? You have a new best friend — one who you now tell all your secrets to, who you spend your free days with — a friend who won't hurt you like I have, who won't leave you like I have. And I sit here and cry. I cry because I can't imagine what I must have put you through. And I feel so guilty. I only hope I can find a way to repair what I have broken and maybe one day get back to where we were.

Dear best friend, I'm sorry.

friendship
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