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I Conducted My Own Social Experiment

My Intention: To Strip All LGBTQ Labels

By Kennedy BrownPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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"Dyke"to the left, "Fem" to the right

"How would you describe what you thought someone in the lesbian community looked like?" Do you picture an array of women with short hair? Exploiting their neck tattoos, dressed in typical men apparel — even categorizing lesbians by weight, saying that "most lesbians are bigger." As a victim of a closed-minded small town, these stereotypes eat up the LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer) community, leaving the common stamp in people's minds that when someone is gay, they have the "look." Having short hair here in Bardstown, labeled the "Most Beautiful Small Town In America," equals the equivalent of tattooing "I'm gay" on your forehead—and I would know, because I decided to conduct and observe my own social experiment after altering my physical appearance from "Dyke" to "Fem."

During this experience, while being perceived as "less girly," not only was I given the check when out eating with my best friends since the waitress thought I was their date; but also everyone would say they "already knew I was gay." I was once told that the coming out process was never ending, and that with every new job, friendship, and experience there would be a new person to come out to; It wasn't until I was older that I realized how true that statement really was. Nevertheless, having short hair, and being perceived as more "butch" made the coming out process almost completely void. Sometimes, I might have even been bluntly asked if I were a lesbian just because I "looked like it, and had short hair." I wouldn't have considered myself to be someone who was popular, and I didn't have much luck when it came to finding a girl that I was into. If you've ever seen the 2006 movie The Secret by Drew Heriot, the law of attraction states that we attract corresponding energy to ourselves, a prime example being that "you are who you hang out with," and it seemed like I only was attracting those who were also labeled as "soft butch" or "dyke." Although I loved them all to death, and they were fun people, I found myself attracted to the typical blonde, and someone who was more of a girly girl. Unfortunately, those labeled as "Fem" were also looking for a more girly match—none were interested in dating a "soft butch" girl with short hair.

The best part of the first half of my experiment was the fact that lurking guys in my life were completely absent. Up until the second half of my experience, I never even had a man try and hit on me. Well, unless it was because his girlfriend was "looking for some fun" and they wanted a threesome. Most of my best friends' boyfriends didn't even like me, seeing me as a threat, and telling their girlfriends that they "couldn't hang out with me anymore or they're over." Multiple offensive jokes would also constantly be dished out by those same guys, and they'd make comments about how I was "trying to hit it but would never get it," and some even resulted in threats or violence if I tried talking to their girlfriends. It became a joke to be know as the person who tried to "recruit people, and turn straight girls bisexual or lesbian. Eventually, it's like I wasn't even seen as a girl anymore, like I stood out in a bad way. Isn't that funny? All because of the way my outside appearance looked, not because of who I was on the inside. A combination of short hair, tomboy clothing, thick eyebrows, and natural skin untouched by the poison of makeup became a way of people to identify me, before actually getting to know me.

My "transition" process took a year; I moved jobs, and altered my physical appearance by completely changing clothing styles (including wearing a dress for the first time), growing my hair back out, wearing makeup, losing a little weight, painting my fingernails, plucking my eyebrows, and becoming more knowledgeable on feminine topics/interests. My number one rule became that I couldn't tell those who didn't ask for themselves if I was a lesbian, that I was gay. I had a fresh start, in a fresh atmosphere, with people who had no idea who I was. It wasn't until months after my "new life" that a coworker, who was also a lesbian, started spreading the word that I was gay (because she liked me), that people became interested in my sexual orientation.

"You're gay? I couldn't even tell," or "You're lying! I didn't even know," became the most satisfying sentence that I could hear. I eventually started to get more friend requests on social media from more feminine lesbians, and random men, which became annoying because they somehow think that if I try dating them that they can "turn me." Even the small things changed; for example, going out to eat with friends turned into just that—going out to eat. I gained back the power to decide when I wanted to come out and who I wanted to come out to. I even changed how some of the small minded people in this town viewed what gay people are "supposed to look like"—squashing stereotypes, and stripping all the labels. I wanted to prove the point that I'm just a regular person, lesbian or straight, and nothing about me has changed but my outside appearance, but yet the world around me changed and reacted to me dramatically different. Although I frequently think about going back to sporting my short hair, it seems much more satisfying to live outside the lines of what people think that a lesbian should look like. To conclude, I couldn't thank my close friends and family enough for loving me unconditionally—butch or not.

Being a lesbian, and a part of the LGBTQ community, has been the biggest blessing, and there isn't a day that goes by that I would want to be any other way. After meeting me as "just a person" and THEN letting people find out my sexual orientation has allowed me to witness those who judge the most become the least judgmental, and it has allowed me to document more people become accepting of those who are different. Even having those who didn't accept gay people before defend my community as a whole, all because they met and loved "that lesbian that didn't have short hair."

Louisville Kentucky Pride

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About the Creator

Kennedy Brown

LGBT member, just trying to make a difference.

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