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I Don't Believe in Soulmates

At least, not the way you think.

By Shana NizeulPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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It may be an unpopular opinion, but I don't believe in soulmates. As far back as I can remember, I never thought soulmates were a real thing. It's something you see in the movies, or read about in books. It's a work of fiction. Why? Because to me, it's a really depressing concept. The idea of soulmates was first spoken of very early on by Plato. Then in the early 1800's, poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, wrote in A Letter to a Young Lady, “To be happy in Married Life... You must have a soul-mate.” Thus introducing the concept to the masses.

Now, I think there are really two ways of looking at soulmates. The first, and most conventional, is what everyone thinks of when discussing soulmates. This is your one and only person. This is the person that you are meant to spend your life with, and there is no other person on this earth for you. The problem with that is, what if you never meet that person? What if you're born in California, and they're born in Italy? I already hear you saying, oh but you will always meet your soul mate. No matter what. That's why their your soulmate. Nope. Not buying it.

Are you just supposed to trust that life will work things out in your favor? No matter where you are in life, when you meet this person, it will all just work out in the end. Right? So every person you date, you will forever question if they are "the one." And that sounds fucking exhausting. So, if you never meet the person that was born to be your soulmate, then are you doomed to a live a less than happy existence because of it!?! Man, that is bleak. So, I just can't get on board with that way of thinking.

The other way of looking at it, is that there are many potential mates for your soul walking this earth. What I think this means, is that you can fall in love with a person and be happy and content, as long as you agree on the big things in life. The big pieces have to fit together if there is any chance of it working. Pieces like, if you want to get married, have kids or not, where you want to live... ya know, life. You have to share the same values and have a somewhat similar outlook on life. So with this school of thought, there would be would be many potential mates to your soul walking around. Not just one.

Some of you may think that it's a crazy thing to say considering I'm happily married. But I'm not going to change what I've always believed, to sustain some kind of fairy tale idea of love. Society conditions us to expect that we'll find our one true love, and live happily ever after. But I don't think that's how it works. Now I know there are high school sweethearts that go on and get married, and there are people who really and truly believe that they are with their soulmate. But I think that these stories are the exception, not the rule. And I'm completely happy for them. I just don't believe in that.

When you're looking for love, you're really just looking for someone who is a good fit for you, and who you can see yourself with for the long haul. I think this is the most rational way of viewing the concept of soulmates. If you go out looking for love thinking that there's only, one single person on this earth for you, then I think you're going to be disappointed. Time and time again, you will meet someone and think, are they "the one"? Oh no, they weren't "the one." I can't find my soulmate. And that's just no way to live. But I do think, if you step back and look for someone you're compatible with, and can love, then you will find a fulfilling relationship.

I love my husband with every fiber of my being, and I couldn't picture being with anyone else. That's why I married him. But do I think that he was conceived and born just for me? No. No I don't. Attraction brings you together, but sharing a common outlook, communication, sex, and love are what keep you together. Remember, relationships take work, and there are no fairy tales. So find the mate to your soul and work through this thing called life, together.

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About the Creator

Shana Nizeul

Hey everyone! Here I am- happy wife, SAHM, badass photographer, and sometimes writer. Hope you like what you read!

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