I Forgive You

I forgive you.

Even though you think you did nothing wrong. Even though you play the victim in our sad story. Even though you were the one who destroyed my love. I forgive you.

I forgive you because sometimes that's what you need to do. You need to create closure for yourself even if the other person won't give it to you. Even though they knew you were having that panic attack on your bedroom floor at 2 AM, you forgive them.

There's no point in holding a grudge. They're not thinking about you. They're probably off with someone else by now, telling the same lies they told you, "I would never hurt you," and "I love you." Did you really love me? Who destroys someone they love? When you couldn't handle me sticking up for myself, why did you personally attack me? With statements that were false. With words that tore through my soul because you knew me as a person.

I don't think you wanted to accept yourself. I don't think you wanted to accept the fact that you lost this amazing person. This person that fell in love with you, even though you told her that you loved her through a Snapchat. Even though this person sent you personal items because you missed them when you were gone for three months. Even though you hurt this person who opened herself to you, regardless of being hurt by her past.

Love is about accepting someone, accepting their flaws, accepting their love, accepting their perception of you. Your actions, personality, your words. That's what they fell in love with. How you laugh in the middle of the night, how your eyes crinkle when you smile, how you gripped their waist while walking down the sidewalk, how you saw them raw and naked and you still thought they were beautiful. Well, at least that's what they thought you saw. But after you tore your words through the one soul that accepted you through the vacations you took from their love, they didn't know what to believe.

How can you do that to someone? Be indecisive and make excuses, THEN blame that person for all that YOU did. How? I'm sorry you're unhappy with yourself or whatever you're going through. But this soul, the one that loved you through it all. This soul is tired. This soul can only take so much abuse. It's not worth lingering on the past. You can't change it. You can only learn and take it for what it is.

So this is my letter to you, I forgive you. I forgive you for leaving. I forgive you for being indecisive. I forgive you for calling me selfish when in reality, you were the selfish one. I forgive you for being angry. I forgive you for choosing someone else and lying about it. I forgive you for lying to my face multiple times. I forgive you yelling at me because you couldn't accept the fact that you did this. And even though you found someone else, they will never be better than me and the love I gave to you. That's okay, if that's what you really want, then I understand. But just know, I was the best thing you will ever have and I forgive you for giving me up. It has made me stronger, better, and more aware. I know what to look for when it comes to love now.

So this is it, I forgive you. I gave myself to you but I gave too much and I'm too fragile to be tossed around. It's time to be selfish. I'll always love you but it's time to forgive you. I wish you nothing but the best. I love you so much but I have to let you go. I have to let go, your touch, your scent, your secrets, everything. I just can't. My mental health is more important. I know that's selfish, but did you think of me back when you destroyed it? It doesn't matter now. I have my battle scars. I forgive you and I hope that one day you can see the mistake you made because right now, I know you don't mean it when you say you're sorry. So, next time you tell your friends or my friends that you miss me, mean it; if and when you say sorry, mean it. Because I know right now, you're not really sorry. That's okay, I forgive you.