I Had a Zombie Conversation

If you're a guy and have been part of the singles scene for a while, you've probably thought about what the best way to converse with women is for maximum success. Unfortunately finding the right formula is a difficult task indeed.

One of the mistakes a lot of guys make is they don't have a clue how to engage women at all. Instead of using romantic images in their conversation, they talk to women as if they're one of the guys. So conversations end up devolving into protracted question and answer sessions.

Such a session is otherwise known as a ZOMBIE CONVERSATION. When you start asking women boring, ordinary questions like “where do you live?” “What’s your job?” “Do you like baseball?” stuff like that, you’re bound to get nowhere with the lady folk.

Women are completely different than men, and demand a higher level of conversation. Instead of going “Zombie,” you need to think in terms of romantic images or even whole stories that you can make up on the spot.

Start with a romantic image in your mind—how about the Eiffel Tower? Now approach a woman you’re interested in. Tell her, “you remind me of Paris. Not the Paris of today, but at the time of the Impressionist painters.”

Do you see how it’s good to start “setting the scene” by “painting a picture” with words? Then you go further by amplifying all the images. Ask her, “can you see all the small cafés, the artist attic studios, the countless bookshops with the winding stairs within? And up above, those black chimney-pots on the roofs of the houses?” By now I guarantee, not only will you have sparked her interest, but if she’s like most women, she might really start warming up to you.

Now make it even more personal. Take your story to the point where it DIRECTLY involves her, but keep pouring on the images: “I think Renoir himself would have chosen you for one of his portraits. The one painting that really comes to mind, is Renoir’s “Luncheon of the Boating Party.”

Chances are she’s never heard of that famous painting, but you ask her whether she’s heard of it before. If she says “no,” take out your cell phone, google it, and show her the picture. Then you continue. You say, “do you see on the left, there's a woman holding that dog at the table, and another woman to the right, engaged in conversation with the two men?” But those aren’t the ones she should be concentrating on.

Then you point out the woman in the painting, wearing the hat in the background, with her hand on her chin. Then you get to the punchline: “She's the one who makes me think of you: The Observer—taking it all in!” I guarantee if you talk to women using ROMANTIC IMAGES all the time, she will be drawn to you like never before. TRY IT OUT!

Having learned all this the hard way, I decided to write a song that serves as a cautionary tale for the adventurous but confused single male. It’s a song that talks about the pitfalls of utilizing the Zombie Conversation in trying to woo women. The result you will see is like a horror show. The solution is found in the bridge of the song: the images of Paris, France (in other words: romance!).

Written in the style of Michael Jackson's "Thriller," I am hoping my "monster hit" takes America by storm, paving the way for all befuddled single guys seeking true happiness with a wonderful woman. Check out my music video, and tell me what you think.

PS that's me singing the lead vocals!