Humans is powered by Vocal creators. You support L. D. by reading, sharing and tipping stories... more

Humans is powered by Vocal.
Vocal is a platform that provides storytelling tools and engaged communities for writers, musicians, filmmakers, podcasters, and other creators to get discovered and fund their creativity.

How does Vocal work?
Creators share their stories on Vocal’s communities. In return, creators earn money when they are tipped and when their stories are read.

How do I join Vocal?
Vocal welcomes creators of all shapes and sizes. Join for free and start creating.

To learn more about Vocal, visit our resources.

Show less

I Just Want to Kiss a Girl

(I already know that I like it.)

I'm a bisexual woman who's primarily dated men, which is both a byproduct of living in a conservative small town for a good chunk of my adult life, and sheer shyness.

I didn't always live in a small town, though: I lived in a major city for four years, just before the recession.  The internet was still an uncharted territory, compared to the vast virtual world it is now.  Online dating was a nice alternative to bars (which have never been my thing for meeting people, even when I was drinking), but I was in my early twenties and too afraid to leave my preference as "men and women" on

Then I was a serial monogamist of sorts, in a string of long-term relationships for about a decade—all with men.  There were a couple of brief, delightful encounters with female friends, but they were somewhat alcohol-fueled, and they were one-time-only.

But I have always loved and been attracted to women.

Now I'm once again living in a (different) major city, recently out of a long term relationship with a man, and I need a break from dudes.  I've been spending much-needed time working on self-care, self-awareness, and the ongoing relationship I have with myself, and honestly, that is enough.  I am at an awesome, healthy place where I am great on my own, and I don't need a partner.

Part of a relationship with one's self, though, is a constant exploration of identity: who am I, what has shaped me, how do I interact with the world and those in it, what am I compelled by, how do I see myself, etc...

My identity is bisexual, yet it's been over seven years since I was with a woman in any way.  I want to experience that again, whether it's just for a coffee date, or something more.

But how in the heck does a woman go about meeting another woman?

I'm away from home for 10-12 hours a day, and afterward, I have very little desire to go to clubs or bars or the like to try and meet someone.  I don't necessarily want to meet someone where I work or study, because if it didn't work out, it could result in awkwardness.

So I downloaded some apps.  Her, Bumble, Zoe, and OKCupid, to be precise.  And I feel like I've swiped on all the women in the area.  I've tried to start some conversations, and I've responded to a few women who started conversations with me.  So far, nothing concrete has emerged.  One almost date that was cancelled.  A couple of conversations that seemed to build steam...and have since petered out.

Granted, I've only been on the apps for about six days or so, and I know this mild anxiety is a direct result of our instant-gratification-internet-culture.  Still, the little negative Nelly voice within tells me it's hopeless, and that I'm never going to get to meet a nice girl to have coffee with and a long hug that maybe lasts longer than either of us could have dreamed.

But I'm going to keep hoping and keep swiping right.

Now Reading
I Just Want to Kiss a Girl
Read Next
Friends vs Hangout Buddies