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'I Love You' and Abuse

When Your Enemy Is Yourself

Photo by Sylas Boesten on Unsplash

I met the love of my life at a young age. He was the apple of my eye, the dream man come true. As time moved forward, I began to feel like something was terribly wrong with my dream man. His love for me had drastically changed from the love I had felt in the beginning of our relationship. The butterflies, the childish smiles, the sleepless nights, and the constant blushes throughout the day had all vanished away, only to be replaced with fear agony, frustration, and pain. His love literally meant every word of the saying, "I love you to death."

His love turned violent towards me, yet I believed that I could love him past his faults, and love him past his pain, so that he could love me as I wanted him to love me, and as I chose to love him, unconditionally. 

No matter how much, nor how hard I loved him, his disrespectful words would pierce my soul, and his fists would often bruise my skin.

Lost in the world of, "But, I love you" I could not see my way out of this hell. Determined to make this man love me the way that I loved him, I sacrificed my sanity, my body, my children, and my life for the sake of those three words "I love you." I did not realize that I was subjecting my babies psychological health to be destroyed by this so-called "love."

One day after being abused again, my higher/inner-self had a long talk with me, unlike no other. I was told, "This isn't love." I was also told, "And, you don't love him, because you don't love yourself first." The conversation went on for what seemed like hours.

I was told, "In order to truly love someone else, you must first be your own first love." And, when you love yourself, truly love yourself as you should, you will never ALLOW anyone to disrespect nor harm you or your babies in such a manner. You will love yourself so much that all others will have no choice but to love you just as much as you do. You see, when self love is present in your being you have zero tolerance for all forms of neglect and abuse, from all others.

My higher/inner-self posed a question to me, "Is this the life you want? if so, then know that this is what you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Is this truly the life you want, because you are already experiencing what lies in your future in this relationship." It went on to say, "If this is your choice, I will grant it."

I decided that moment, that I wanted better. So, I chose to love me, and walked away in my heart, and in the the physical from the pain and misery that I allowed another person to inflict upon me.

You see, most abusive people suffer from some form of pain from their past, and releases that agony of the person or people closest to them, if allowed. However, most of the people who allow such abuse has their own hidden internal pain and low self-esteem that is masked as love. 

The victim believes that they can't help themselves or they don't realize it is themselves that is in need of self healing and love. They pass it off as "I love you," to someone else, when that sacrificial love needs to be directed to self.

Love yourself unconditionally. Love yourself as if your life depends on it, because it does.

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