I Love You the Best That I Can

My best friend/ life mate asked me the other day how much I loved him. The only honest answer I could come up with was, "I love you as much as I can."

I guess that we have very different ideas about what love is and is not. We were both products of the 50s generation. Times were changing and so were traditional family values.

Divorce was pretty much unheard of in our parent's day. Once you took that matrimonial plunge, you were in it until death do you part. And, generally this plunge took place right after you graduated from high school.

Children came along. Mother's stayed at home, cooked, cleaned, and ran the household. Father's came home from work, ate dinner, mowed the lawn, and read the newspaper.

My mother was not a typical woman of her day. She was a social butterfly who joined every organization that came along. She was always promoting a cause when she wasn't working as a special needs teacher. My father was a truck driver for many years. So, it wasn't unusual for him to be away from home for extended periods of time.

When my father was home, my mother still continued to do the cooking, cleaning, and household budgeting. She really was an incredible, dynamic, and very opinionated woman. She became my role model.

My life-mate's parents were very much traditional. His dad went out and worked long hours and his mother stayed at home all the time. She basically took care of everything inside the house and his dad took care of the garbage and the lawn care. When he and I got together, he expected our relationship to have the same dynamic as his parent's marriage. And, he expected that love would just be there without any work involved in the process.

At sixty three years old, I am not in the market for the passionate love and togetherness that I had felt in my prior relationships. I had always been someones wife. And, I played the part for as long as circumstances allowed. I stayed in three marriages that were held together by children, finances, and life obligations.

The relationship that I have now is not based upon any of the above criteria. I can live on my own anytime I choose. I won't take the marital plunge again... because I really don't want to do that. I love my freedom. What it all boils down to is that I love him very differently than he loves me.

He wants and needs passion, snuggling, and a woman who will be just like his mother. He wants a woman who will cook, clean, do the laundry, and still be smiling and happy to see him when he walks through that door... no matter what.

I am not his mother. I hate to cook, my house is clean, but only because I can't stand it any other way. I do his laundry along with mine, but I refuse to put it away for him. And, we have separate bank accounts. We share the household expenses. What we do with the rest of our money is up to each of us.

Yes, I do love the man. Yes, he is my best friend and confidant. The difference this time around is that I am also free to be entirely me. The love I have for him doesn't bind him or place expectations or commitments on him. He is as free as I am. He doesn't like it that way.

Maybe when I say, "I love you the best that I can," he feels cheated, lonely or unfulfilled. That is his problem, not mine.

Who knows where this last pathway of my life will lead me. I am excited to find out. I know that I would love to share the adventure with my friend and life-mate. But, I am not sure that he feels that I am enough for him. I hope he does. What matters to me the most is that I can finally say I am enough for me.