I'm Ugly, I'm Handsome, I'm... Troubled

I don't watch TV at all, but, you know, the media is all around us in this century, and it gets to you, and hard.

I've been told that I'm attractive. I was born in December, therefore in Astrology I'm a Capricorn (do not conceive around May, as this cold sign can drive you to insanity if circumstances aren't in your favor). Capricorns (December to January) are ruled by Saturn, having saturnine characteristics, and by such terminology I mean that we're mostly slim, mousy-like; Jim Carrey, Zooey Deschanel, Lord of the Rings' Orlando Bloom, singer and songwriter Zayn Malik, and others. Not all Capricorns are like that, of course, but it's an idea. But disregarding that now, let's move on.

Note if you're still reading: this article focuses mostly on male so-called "beauty."

"If you want to get rid of all attractive people, then you better kill your damn self," this was said by my psychiatrist, and it's by far the best complement I've gotten in regards of my physical appearance. Whether she meant it or not, this little complement gracefully rots every time I noticed that every guy in movies, YouTube videos, magazines is "attractive" to the point that they might be more than average. Gay movies! Oh god—do not let me get there (future post). Disney has done this as well with its animated princes.

Just a few months back a post about how to make money as a student popped up on Facebook feed, but guess what? A shirtless dude covered the rest of post as the photo (people in the comments section were confused by that).

Found the post.

What...

the...

Fuckery?

What does the image have to do with scholarships? Seriously? And if you click on the post, it just takes you to a normal scholarship website, not a porn site.

Have you noticed that every fucker on a romance paperback novel has muscle, a well, clean-cut beard, and is... well, hot? Yeah, I have seen this, and I just look at my kangaroo forearms and say, "Shit." I have "friends" who are single because they either don't apply themselves too much, or they aren't as "attractive" as those models. I don't know, but something's up.

Beards, I don't have that. But "attractive" seems to get them laid more. I've been called "sweetie," "hon," and/or "cutie." And, you know, as a male human, I get boiled up! Men are male—something in us prompts us to be seen as such, not as little, cutie boys. And I bet that women do not like boyish-looking men (there are women that do, obviously); I might as well be your little brother and call it a day. BUT GUESS WHAT? There's Mr. Beards next door! And if ever get in a physical fight I'll be the one going to the hospital and have my "alpha" crap raped. So, what do I do? I don't fight (some women will understand—some might think that I'm smart for not fighting, but some will start to think that I'm a coward who never fights, or a guy who can't protect his girl).

Stature, I'm 5'11, which is nice. Do you wonder why most short guys prefer to have a shorter-than-them partner? Let's think that for a min. If you are taller than me, I will feel like my "alpha" crap is again getting raped. I think this way, but do other guys think like so? "No, Victor! Of course not!" you might say. Oh! Good! I thought I was going nuts 'cause I kept seeing short guys with shorter girls.

Muscle up, buttercup. I don't have this (not toned—but it does help move my body), and I know that it's not a big deal. Why? Because women have something in them that makes them seek what truly matters in a person. But those actors makes someone feel like trash. But anyways, all that muscle will someday be gone. *Cough* *cough* Ar—*cough* nold *cough* Schwa—*cough* rzenegge.

I got the Koffings for a while there—ANYWAYS. What matters is who we are, but this is mostly clouded by a lot of shit.

And people, let me tell you that this is just the beginning because how will I, or we, feel when we get to be in our 30s, 40s, and so on... Which reminds me of a documentary I watched a while back about older men and women going into plastic surgery only to suffer the consequences coming from a doctor who was badly trained.

I feel ugly when I see these guys, but that's how it is. I have to navigate through that mental maze until I find its exit, and say to myself, 'you look good, or else you fake 'till you make it.'

I'll just leave this here.