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I Thought He Was My First Love

When I Realized He Wasn't the One!

By Nathonia SmithPublished 5 years ago 5 min read
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The rate of teenage pregnancy was consistently rising during my years in high school and it was frightening to me. As I entered junior high and high school, I was an active introvert to keep boys from showing too much interest in me. I had witnessed a few classmates coming to school with symptoms that I didn’t realize were those of pregnancy because I was in no way interested in having sex. Besides attending junior high and high school with pregnant classmates, my mom always made us watch educational programs on PBS which would document the issues faced by teenage girls, teenage boys, and teenagers, as a whole.

As my sister and I became older, our mom would warn us of the effects of premarital sex with such a stern expression on her face that I wouldn’t even consider experimenting with sex because I was afraid of how my mother would react if that experimenting resulted in an unwanted pregnancy. At times, my friends and I would discuss boys that they liked and what my friends were willing to do to show those boys how much they liked them. They thought I was joking about holding out on sex until after I graduated high school because the topic of sex always made me giggle, as it did most teenage girls during that time.

However, at age 16, I met a guy four years older than myself, who had known my deceased brother and was a year away from graduating from college. Tab is what I’ll call him. For the first time in my teenage-years life, I felt like love at first sight had hit me. It surprised me to learn that he’d been friends with my brother in elementary school. And I hung on his every word from the moment he began chatting with me. I decided to do something I had never done before and ask him if he would be my boyfriend. Unlike like most introverts, I wasn’t as apprehensive as I thought would be asking a guy, especially an older guy, to be my boyfriend. Before asking Tab to be my boyfriend, that day, I told him that I had something to ask him that was important to me. His remark, so sweet and considerate was, “Ok. I won’t let you forget” while smiling at me. And, he didn’t.

I watched him play basketball with complete adoration. Then, afterwards, I decided not to ask him because I felt like he was too handsome and too popular for me, since he had been one of the stars of the high school football team during his high school days. I had heard a lot of good things about him long before we met. I assumed that his answer to my proposition would be no, once he stopped laughing at the thought of dating a high school girl with two years left in high school.

After shooting some hoops, I began walking away from the basketball court, to the spot where my sisters and cousins were sitting and chatting. All of sudden Tab calls out for me to come back for me. Once I was standing in front of him, he reminded me that I was supposed to be asking him something. Somehow, I managed to suppress the urge to say “that’s alright” and decided to just ask Tab to be my boyfriend. I boldly asked and he said yes, which was a complete surprise for me. He didn’t hesitate to answer the question. And, the answer was yes. I was sure that Tab could possibly be my future husband. From that moment on, I treasured each moment that we spent together because there were times Tab would stay on the college campus to study for tests and exams. I wouldn’t see him during those times, but I understood his college schedule.

As days turned into weeks, months, and years, I had to admit that there was no future for Tab and me. We didn’t see each other as much as normal couples did. And whenever we did see each other, it was because I would go to him. As handsome as I thought Tab was, I quickly got tired of being the one putting forth all of the effort for us to see each other. I never questioned Tab about where our relationship was headed.

Once I graduated high school and began attending Job Corps, I didn’t expect to see him because I was four hours away from our hometown, lost touch with Tab once he’d moved away a year or two before. But, to my surprise, he did visit me at Job Corps which I considered a very nice gesture. We spent a few hours together sitting on the beach talking. Although I was happy that Tab had driven so far to see me, I still stood by my belief that the two of us had no future as a couple. I had seen Tab with this particular lady several times during my senior year in high school. And rumors said they were a couple set up by the best friend of one of my cousins. As much as I liked Tab, it didn’t hurt me as much as I thought losing my first love would. Throughout our friendship, I’ll call it, Tab’s sweet and kind words had increased my self-confidence as a smart, attractive young woman. Despite the tender moments we shared kissing, most of time he would talk to me like a big brother. Not once during the moments Tab and I shared together did he ever pressure me for sex, which was unusual for an older guy with a younger girl. I first considered the idea that Tab never really saw me as girlfriend material and was only being nice to me because of the friendship he had with my brother.

When I think about my first love, I smile even though it didn’t last. I have always been told that people come into your life for a reason or for a season. That’s how I view my friendship with Tab, a person who came into my life at a time when I needed to be assured of my womanly attraction and worth. And though I have moved on with my life, I will always be grateful for the relationship that was formed between Tab and me because I was bold enough to ask him to come into my life as a boyfriend. Ultimately, we ended up friends and that how I will always love him... as a friend!

Photo by Asaf R on Unsplash

I WILL FOREVER TREASURE OUR FRIENDSHIP!

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About the Creator

Nathonia Smith

I am a wife, mother, grandmother, inventor and online published writer who recently completed studies at Ashford University earning a Bachelors Degree in Human Resource Management. Writing has always given me such joy and fulfillment.

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