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I Won't Keep Fighting

I want you to fight for me too.

By M FPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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I can’t keep doing this because it shouldn't have to be a choice for you. It shouldn't be that hard. If you want her, then be with her.

Be with me or let me go. You either like me or you don't. You're either into me or you're not. You either want me or you don't. You either appreciate me or you don’t. You see how special I am or you don’t. You know what you feel. You know who you like deep down. There's always someone you like more. You don't ever feel the same about the same two people.

If it's really that hard for you, then I'll make it easy. I don't want to be a second choice because I'm a first choice. I don't want to be your regret because I'm not a regret. I don't want to be who you settled for because I'm not that girl someone settles for. I'm that girl that someone's lucky and proud to have.

I shouldn't have to compete because this isn't a competition. I shouldn't have to prove my worth to you because you should be able to see it. I shouldn't have to fight this hard for you when it feels like you're not even fighting for me. It shouldn't be this hard.

The only reason I still fought for you is because I thought you were worth it. And I wasn't going to walk away from something that could have been great that easily. I wasn't just going to let someone go that I thought was absolutely incredible inside and out go without a fight. But, you have to know when to fight and when to walk away. When you’re still fighting for something and when you’re fighting for nothing.

“But you deserve to be fought for, this is what I need you to know.”

–R.h Sin

But that fight ended when it felt like you stopped fighting for me. It felt like I was fighting to be with someone who wasn’t fighting to be with me. When it felt like you saw me the same way you see her. Like both of us were on an equal playing field when I don’t want to be on an equal playing field. I know what I'm worth and what I deserve. And as I much as I care about you and have feelings for you, I love myself enough to know when to walk away. I will tolerate a lot of shit for the people I love and care about, but I won't allow myself to be disrespected and settle anything less than what I deserve. There isn’t any way to save myself from pain at this point, but I can minimize it. Because I refuse to be walked all over and be treated any less than I deserve. I refuse to be that girl anymore. I love with a big heart, but with a backbone.

The fight ended when it was unclear as to if you cared more about her or me. It stopped when you couldn't choose when there shouldn't have ever been a choice to make in the first place. It stopped when you became more of a prize than a person. When things for you seemed to become more of a competition than about a connection.

I want you to be happy, but I also need to be happy. And if you don't think that I will make you happy then I will bow out gracefully. I’m not trying to play games. I know what I want. But, if you want to let me go, I will respect that because I want you to be happy. I don't want lose you, but I will let you go if it means that you will be happy. It doesn't mean I don't care because I do deeply care about you that should've been apparent by everything I've done. And it doesn't mean I don't want you or think you're worth it because I do. You're the first person I've dated in a long time that I've really wanted and actually felt something real with. But, if you don't want me or think I'm worth it then this will never work. I don't want to be your choice when you're my priority.

Because if you can't see how incredible I am or are certain of how you feel about me then you don't need me and I don't need you. If you can’t see how thoughtful and how much I care about you and your happiness, then I’m not right for you. And if you can’t see how big my heart is for you, then you shouldn't be with me. You deserve someone who sees how special and amazing you are and you need to find someone that you see that in them as well. It has to go both ways. And I want to be with someone that is just as crazy about me as I am about them. Someone that you look at them and can only think of them. And I care enough about you to not cause you any pain. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m going to get hurt no matter what, but that isn’t your fault. It’s mine, I’m emotionally invested and I let myself care. But, you are worth the pain, if I didn’t think so I never would’ve tried in the first place. The ball is in your court now, but I won’t wait around forever. And I don’t want to be who you settle for.

I just want you to know that I won't continue participating in this fight because it shouldn't be a competition. Because I'm more than just someone's "choice."

“You’re too good for someone who isn’t sure about you.”

-Atticus

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About the Creator

M F

Your Feelings Are Valid Author. Chainsmokers and Fletcher fanatic. Quote lover. More emotional than your typical Capricorn. TPA. ISTJ. Lesbian. Asian.

Insta: @garnishdaddy. Owner of Native Cocktail Events

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