If You are Considering a Long Distance Relationship

Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) can be difficult no matter what the circumstances are but that doesn't mean that it isn't legitimate and can't be amazing. But, before you get into one, there are a lot of important aspects to consider besides figuring out if the person on the other end is legit (which should probably be the first thing you do...).

Other than having a great connection and the other person being real here are some things to think about.

Are you ready to commit? This question is one of the most important not only in LDR but in any relationship. Specifically, when it comes to long distance though, can you fully commit to this person? Can you be with only them and ignore any temptations? Are you ready for commitment at all in person or apart?

Can you make time? Time is a very complex issue when it comes to long distance. Time difference, waiting, amount of time together, amount of time apart, and just making the time for each other.

It's important to be patient and if you do pursue a LDR to come to some sort of routine and understanding. Do you want to webcam every day or once a week? Do you like talking all day here and there or one long talk at the end? When are you and your partner free outside of work, school, sleep, social time, and personal time?

How do you each communicate? Everyone has their own way of communicating so it is important to know how your partner communicates and how you communicate. Besides communicating issues of time, different people react differently to long distance and dealing with being apart from each other. For example, some love to talk a lot and be very close and some don't want to think too much about the distance and have more space (referring to "puppy" and "cat" traits). Another example is some just enjoy having each other's company while webcamming and others want to be actively engaged.

Do you have the traits? You both don't need to have the exact same traits but there are some really crucial aspects that you need in a relationship, especially a long distance one. These are but not limited to patience, understanding, trust, honesty, respect, independence, commitment, compromise, and validation. If you or your partner don't have these especially, your relationship will not go very far.

What do you need for intimacy? What do you consider intimate and where are your self-boundaries? Are you both okay with waiting until you can be physically together? Are you okay with sexting or intimate webcam dates? Do you want to be in a closed, open, nonsexual, or polyamorous relationship? Different people have different needs for intimacy, therefore it's important to figure out what you need, and what your partner needs.

When would you be able to see each other in person? When will you be able to meet for the first time? How often will you get to visit each other? Are you and your partner okay with traveling? Knowing these are significant because the more time you spend together the better you get to know the person in a physical and everyday aspect.

When would you be able to close the distance? Closing the distance refers to being physically permanently together. This requires one or both to relocate. Some questions that are important to ask yourself and your partner are: When would you be able to close the distance? Would it be in a reasonable amount of time? Are one or both of you okay with relocating? Could you get work where you are or going to be? When choosing to be in a LDR this is the ultimate question assuming you see a future with this person.

Do you have the funds needed? Money is often a problem in long distance relationships, especially if you are young. Despite having the time, can you afford the gas money, bus, train, or train? Do you have a job or can you get a job? Does one person have more money than the other? Could you split the travel costs? Money is not always an issue for some relationships but regardless it's important that travel costs are equitable to your circumstance.

Is it more than just a comfortable and convenient situation? Is the person you're talking to more than just somebody on a screen or someone you see casually somebody you want to truly be with? Or is it someone you just like to talk to when you can and they make you feel a certain way? Could you realistically visit them and when could you realistically close the distance? Being able to connect with anyone anywhere is a great opportunity we have technologically but it's important that you are honest with yourself and the other person on where you see your relationship going.

All of This Is to Say...

When you are considering being with somebody long distance whether it's for a short period of time, for a long period of time, known each other prior to distance, or just meeting each other for the first time; there's a lot of important aspects to think about. But don't worry! You don't need to know these things right away and some of these will take time to figure out.