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If You Knew

How little does he really know?

By Hannah HarrisonPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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If you knew my thoughts you’d be intrigued.

You’d be interested to know that I am not thinking about the movie we’re watching but about the time you picked me a dandelion and sneezed right after you smelled it. Or often when we met and you simply smiled for what felt like eternity itself and I forced myself to look away though I was curious to read your eyes.

You’d be amused to know that I’ve made it a game to remember what your every facial expression means. I know when you laugh and one eyebrow goes up… You have no idea what to say. I know when your lips are straight but your eyebrows are relaxed, you’re remembering good things.

You’d be happy to know that I wasn’t ignoring what you said last night, I simply did not want to interrupt the blissful sound flowing from your lips. And when I stare, it isn't because I’m upset with you. It’s because I like the small details carved into your face. Like the unexplainable freckle right below the arch of your eyebrow.

If you knew my thoughts…

You’d be surprised to know how much I care. You’ve taken my attention and held it every possible moment without even knowing. And to know that I myself honestly believe I’ve fallen completely and utterly in love with you.

The way your eyes light up blowing into those instruments of yours. The way you come up with the stupidest jokes just to make people smile. And the way you unknowingly hum and grumble whilst eating or concentrating.

You would be absolutely horrified to know that I’ve hurt over you.

Sometimes when you want things that aren’t meant to be yours it leaves an eternal ache. This I am all too aware of. I often think of you while I’m working or study, wishing you were here to take to cold dry air and offer a sense of comfortable silence rather than sitting in a dreary lonely room. I often can’t manage to laugh knowing that you are falling for another when I so dearly hold you impossibly close to my one soul.

You would be humored if you knew that often I hear your laugh in my head when I send a text that I know is simply ridiculous. Or to know that my face scrunches and then I laugh when I’m clumsy because I know you have a fit in worry I’ve managed to hurt myself yet again.

You may think I am crazy if you knew I often ponder thoughts that make no sense. Things like how would the human race adapt if we all lost our legs from the knee down? Would we all learn to walk on our nubs? Or maybe walk on stilts with arms supports to move them? No one would be able to ride a bicycle anymore... Unless it was motorized. How then would we drive cars? Nobody would be able to reach the gas pedal anymore.

You would be disappointed if you knew how I feel about you...

We wouldn’t be friends like now, more than likely. This is because I wouldn’t be able to stand the humiliation, nor would I be able to look you in the eyes and enjoy their depth. This is also because you’d either pity me and feel bad for not being in love with me, or you would feel simply too awkward to see me or speak to me anymore. It would all change, our behaviors, our feelings, our mutual friends… Nothing would ever be the same again, and likely I’d be left in your past imagining your future without me.

And for these reasons, I am grateful humans do not possess the ability to read one's thoughts.

love
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