Improve Your Relationship With These Four Simple Steps

Relationships can bring out the best in us but also require our best efforts to keep them running smoothly. There are few greater thrills in life than meeting a special someone and having that meeting blossom into a relationship, but those of us who haven't had the benefit of negotiation training could use a few tips to maximize the highs of our relationships and minimize the lows. Following are some proven methods to do just that.

Put the focus on yourself.

It might sound counterproductive to be told that focusing on yourself can help your relationship, but it's true. Expecting your partner to make you feel secure and happy when you have no clue how to do those things for yourself is a common pitfall. We're each responsible for our own happiness and should never measure our worth by how much or how little happiness we receive from others, and that includes our romantic partner. Think about it. When was the last time you found hearing someone bemoan the lack of love and appreciation they felt they deserved but weren't getting an attractive quality? The people who take responsibility for making themselves happy have no problem drawing people to them who wish to do the same.

Make the proper improvements.

Improvement is a welcome thing, but seeking to improve someone who hasn't asked for it can cause problems. You should realize that if that someone is your partner, you're basically expressing dissatisfaction with who they are. Accepting people for who they are may not be the easiest thing in the world to do, but it's essential for a sound foundation in a romantic relationship. After all, what sense does it make to be in a relationship with someone you're hoping to change?

While it's true we all put on our "best face" when we're trying to get someone we've first met to like us, and that we feel more comfortable letting them see our faults as the relationship progresses, mutual self-improvement can only happen when both partners are seeking it. Without acceptance of our partner's imperfections (or the imperfections we perceive) true love and respect have no fertile ground in which to grow.

Strive to be more compassionate and understanding.

Loving yourself and being self-centered are two distinct things. To be able to empathize with another person's feelings is a crucial quality to have in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Just like you, your partner yearns to be understood and have their feelings validated. Emotional support isn't just about being their sounding board, it's about showing you sincerely care and want to understand what they're going through.

The best way to achieve this is through active listening. Active listening takes practice and patience and the ability to drown out the belief that you already do listen to your partner. While it may sound easy enough to allow your partner to finish before interrupting their thought with your own, you must first acknowledge your habit of passive listening, which is little more than waiting for your turn to speak. By listening actively, you enhance the value of the feedback you provide your partner.

Try to keep things spicy.

Twelve percent of women, according to Glamour magazine, plan regular date nights with their partners. This attempt to keep things interesting only works if the date activities are varied. Some experts advise disrupting the routine by trying out new things to do. These can include going dancing, enrolling in a class together, or good ol' sexual experimentation in the bedroom (or some other location for the sake of variety).

The key purpose here is for you and your partner to learn more about each other and yourselves by changing up the arenas in which you typically interact.