In the Eye of a Moment

I wish I could tell you that this story ends a different way. I wish I could tell you that it ends better than it does. But it doesn't. This isn't a happy ending... this is a tragedy.

I wish I could tell the story of you, who I always knew you as. But to tell a story like that, you'd have to be real. Yet, you never were. You are just as fake as the life you live. A ghost of other people that you've haunted. I see the look in your eyes when you glance at me. But you're not as innocent as you believe you are. I'm not the bad guy and you have got to know that. All these words we left unspoken...

I'm just sitting here, minding my business, doing the job I came here to do, and you walk in. I glance up and our eyes meet for the first time in over a month. There's a look of guilt in your eyes, but I hardly believe that's how you really feel. I look back at you and my heart flutters but quickly stops. It knows better now than to go along with your charades. I'm looking back at you but I don't feel the love I once did. I don't even think you're attractive any more.

You could ask me if this hurts, but you won't. I don't think how I felt ever really mattered to you. What's sad, though, is that I spent so much time telling you that there was nothing wrong with you. I was so clear on how I felt. Yet, you could never decide. You could never make a decision.

Our eyes are still connected. It's been less than a second and all of this has run through my mind. I wonder what you're thinking, and I know it could go either way. "Does she hate me? Why'd she leave?" Or, "She's such an asshole. I can't believe she told me she loved me and then left me alone." I don't think about it much anymore...

What was I supposed to do? Once I found out the game you were playing; was I supposed to stay? I know I told you I loved you, that I had feelings for you. But what you seem to misunderstand is that feelings develop over time; that people are the cause of those feelings. People take part in what it takes to create how another feels about them. That's exactly what you did. You caused me to fall in love with you by being who you were. But what you don't get is that who you were wasn't even you to begin with.

The "deer in the headlights" look hits you as you realize that I'm looking back at you. You set your things down and walk out. I turn back to my work, trying to regain my composure, yet I know that this moment will be on my mind all day.

I'm still trying to figure out why you did what you did. If you were hurt before and that is what caused you to do what you've done. I wish that I could find the emotional effort to ask who it was that hurt you. But at this rate, what does it matter?

You knew what you were doing. You knew all along that you were just leading me on because you enjoyed the attention. You would think that in the profession that I'm in I would've noticed sooner. But I was so smitten by your initial beauty that I lost all attachment to my gut instinct; to my mind telling me, "Stop! This is a terrible idea."

Yet, it was pretty words that sent me straight into the wrath of hell you summoned and dragged along with you. It's always pretty words. Every time. I admit I was foolish, but now that I really think about it, it was a lesson I needed to learn. Does that make it any easier? No, absolutely not. But it's worth the mention.

You were a walking contradiction. A "woe is me" type deal with way too much "he said, she said." On occasion, it just never added up. I saw the signs. I saw the red flags. I ignored them because I was naïve and you were perfect. That, however, was my first mistake.

You were anything but perfect. Most people search for that perfectly imperfect person that completes them, but you weren't even that. It's hard to make a personality that isn't yours perfectly imperfect. You tried so hard to play the innocent role when you were a snake and a cancer all along. Who would've known?

Who would've known that everything you took from me would be given back to me ten fold? At least there's some light at the end of the tunnel. I do have a few new friends. I do have a few people who legitimately care about me whereas you never could. I mean, you tried to care but when your investment is only skin deep, acting only goes so far.

Who lets down their friend when they need to catch a ride because their car is messed up? You did. Who lets down their friend when it's time to get going to a concert that is three hours away? Oh, yes, I remember now. That was you. Who holds hands with their friend, and leads their friend into believing that there is something more there? Yeah... that was you.

No matter what way you look at it, you led me on. Was I dumb enough to take the bait? Yes, I won't deny that for a second. I was dumb and naïve but I know better now. Everything I learned about you opened my eyes to a whole new world of heartache filled with wisdom.