Insecurities: Gender Roles and Family Pressure

"When did you first feel self-conscious about yourself?"

I asked my mom this question one day after answering it in my head. She looked at me and took a few moments to think about her answer. I sat there watching her and wondered, when did her inner reflection change?

"High school, I think. I was about 14 or 15."

Is this normally when most people start to notice their flaws? Some experience this awareness earlier in life, some later. I was intrigued by her answer and wondered how do we even develop insecurities? After reading the stories of others I noticed that Family Pressure and Society Standards were a couple of catalysts for insecurities.

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Our families are the often first ones to 'socialize' us, an AP Government term that means: How we learn to interact in society. Even if you disagree with the views of your family they still were heavily involved in socializing you. Do you hate the political views of your parents? The way they talk to you in public? How they are always late to events? Though you may feel frustrated and upset with them for being different than you, their actions have helped you to determine how you want to interact in society. Congrats! You have been socialized.

However, sometimes family socializing can be harmful. Hearing an aunt's simple remark about how she needs to lose weight can cause a bud of insecurities to appear. Or after the way your uncle mocks you for eating a certain amount of food; You start to question yourself and whether or not you fit into the "need to lose weight group." The way you were taught to love others, and yourself, for non-superficial things starts to unravel as you experience second hand insecurities.

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It is not an unknown fact that society standards have always been criticized for unobtainable expectations, but the topic of gender roles cannot be avoided.

Little boys are often raised to believe that they can't be weak. This need to stay strong by hiding every weakness and emotion can lead to harmful mental health and deep insecurities. Eating disorders affect both genders, a fact that is often overlooked or forgotten because of the notion that men cannot show weakness, but this fact is real.

The crazy hype behind abs and a tall stature can wreck havoc on the mental development of a growing boy. The expectations on young children have always been about growing up a certain way, perhaps is it time to focus more on growing up to appreciate yourself and others? Can a little boy not have to live up to the standards of adults? Can we learn to stop setting such firm rules on gender roles that can lead to self doubt?

Since I was young I have always heard that girls shouldn't talk too much or too loudly. I should be more lady like, listen more, be gentler. Despite knowing that everyone around me was trying to help me 'fit' into society better, I started to hate myself. My personality was to brash, my face too boyish, my body too chubby, I would never be the perfect girl. Many girls are faced with this same exact feeling everyday. They are constantly told where they fall short of society's ideal female role, even from an early age.

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To some these things may seem trivial and a part of growing up, but is this something that we need? The insecurities and disorders that develop from unrealistic expectations shouldn't be considered normal. Society sets these standards and adolescents are forced to meet them or they risk the chance of being ostracized by others.

Whenever I see little kids I hope that they can avoid the sadness and pain that comes from not loving themselves. I wish that they knew how precious they are and that they should appreciate their own unique characteristics. You are _______. Instead of letting society or your family fill in this blank, the next one is for you. Please don't forget to notice all the good things about you and use them to fill in your own blank.

I am _________.