Interracial Dating (From a Black Woman's Perspective)

Ever since I was a little girl, I always had this enthrallment with white men. Of course, when I was younger, it was little caucasian boys. Don’t ask me why, but that fascination grew as I got older. Being thoroughly attracted to white men could be rough at times. Where I live, there are white men on every corner. However, I grew up in a school where there were probably only nine black kids. Lots of the guys at school were super interested in fucking black girls on the low. In public, though, that was a big no no. I dated one guy from my school publicly and was given a tough time about it. His friends that were girls would make up outrageous lies: “your girlfriend called me a cracker,” “she flirts with other people,” etc. They would do their normal bullying and it was honestly super pathetic. I dated another guy on the low; however, he was a little older than me. I was still in middle school and he was in high school. He was one of the "popular" boys. His excuse as to why we couldn’t go public was he didn’t want to be viewed as a “sex offender.” He was just three years older than me. Our age differences were not uncommon in a lot of the couples that went to our school. Loads of times it has always been every excuse in the book. In fact, in my adult life, I have only dated one man whose family was super okay with me being black. His whole family embraced me. It was probably the best relationship I had been in. We ended up splitting because he wasn’t ready for his friends to know he was knocking boots with a black girl. It crushed me because we had been through so much. He met my friends, family, and I had been there for him when his mother passed away. While my love for white guys still stands, it hasn’t exactly been a smooth ride. Here I am still single as shit and probably staying that way for a while. Today I wanted to share a few things with you about what I have experienced during my time exploring interracial dating. Fasten your seat belts, kids. It's about to get crazy around here!

1. The Stare

Basically someone has given me as well as my partner the stare in EVERY interracial relationship I’ve been in. The stare normally is executed by an older male or female who is genuinely miserable with their boring lives. The stare has been around for decades and I’m sure it will continue to be. Basically a lot of people are genuinely shocked that a white man could ever find a black girl attractive. Even still, there are tons of white guys that enjoy a pretty piece of chocolate every now and then. Some guys prefer it! If you ever decide to test the waters dating outside of your race, be prepared for the stare. You may not know exactly what that looks like right now, but trust me, when it happens, you'll know.

2. Jealousy and Possessiveness

Now, I’m not one to toot my own horn. I really don’t even have a horn to toot. However, jealousy paired with possessiveness has been something I have seen grow progressively. As the years go by, I meet as well as date new people. I’ve found that jealously is projected toward my relationship mostly by white women. Don’t get me wrong, some black girls are super pressed about the fact that they haven’t gotten a taste of white men or even that I'm not dating a brotha. Still, personally, I’ve seen a lot of white girls get super mad. Especially ex girlfriends. I started seeing this one guy. It just so happened that I was his first black girlfriend. When his ex caught wind, she was livid. She messaged him furiously calling me every prejudiced name in the book. Then she turned around, messaged me in the calmest of tones, trying to warn me that he was a “player.” When I told her I saw the messages one of her twenty personalities flipped to another and she told me to go back to the hood. He and I aren’t together anymore, but we were for six months, and I enjoyed rubbing that in her face.

Now, we are going to delve into possessiveness. For some incredibly idiotic reason, I’ve gotten a lot of comments from white people in general saying I shouldn’t “steal their people.” I’m guessing what they mean is I shouldn’t date white men because they are solely promised to the white women. As false as that is, I still get this comment to this day. It’s super annoying, but it’s something I’ve learned to just ignore. People are honestly dumb as shit and that’s never going to change.

3. Self-Consciousness

Basically pretty self explanatory. For a while I was super interested in what everyone else was thinking. I worried about whether or not people judged me for being with a different race. While pretty much all races were up for judging, I learned that my own race was just as quick to judge. It was actually kind of sad. We’ve dealt with slavery, anguish, and being demonized for centuries, yet we judge each other like savages. It’s the worst. After a while, I learned that not giving a shit was the best option. I really don't care anymore. I win.

4. Assumptions

People honestly assume the worst. That shit’s extremely annoying. People assume that because you are two different races that you lead extremely different lives. Yes, there are some things that black people do that white people don’t, and vice versa. That’s essentially every single race. Everyone has differences and they shine through. It’s quite alluring if you think about it. But I honestly hate when people assume that differences will break the foundation of what could be a beautiful relationship. Yes, the texture of black women’s hair is different than the texture of white women’s. And white men worry about greasy hair while black men almost never have that problem. What I don’t get is how the actual fuck that means love and marriage is out of the question.

I also hate the assumption that black women seek out white men in order to stabilize their financial situation. That is not strictly a black girl trait. There are gold-diggers of every shape and color. A lot of women in general work extremely hard for what they have. It’s not exactly fair that we be treated as if we can’t make shit happen on our own. There are so many women that have done amazing things that don’t need a black, white, or purple man to do it.

The number one most annoying assumption there is is that white men only like black women because it is some type of fetish they hold. Fuck no. They like us because we are beautiful chocolate angels. We aren’t as “ghetto” as people like to portray us. And yes, some people portray themselves that way, but you can’t honestly believe that one person represents the race as a whole. That's pretty ignorant. I’m sure some white men do have a black girl fetish, but a lot just find us attractive because we are… I don’t know… HUMAN.

5. Acceptance

While there are some people who will never accept an interracial relationship there are equally as many that will. Times are changing. I feel like a lot of people are receptive to that. It’s actually kind of heartwarming when an older person compliments you on how cute you and your partner are. It’s the greatest to know they came from a time where hate boiled over the pot of cynicality (<—not a real word but it is now) and they are receptive to the normality of love in all forms. It's just so freaking great!

6. Education

Being with different people, you learn a lot of different things in terms of culture. It's absolutely brilliant. I’ve learned tons about culture with my past dating history. It’s so interesting to fall in love with a person and then fall in love with who they truly are. It’s honestly a blessing. Now, I haven’t found my forever yet, but I am pleased with the grace I’ve seen along the way.

7. Difference

Some people think that when it comes to difference, it’s a bad thing. Those are the racist fucks who have been taught to live in their “unpoppable” bubble. Yet they are the first to get triggered. Coincidence? I'm thinking probably not. Differences and unevenness are natural. Differences are an important part of what makes each person unique. Fuck whatever status quo people want you to stick to. This isn’t high school musical, and it’s okay to date whoever you want as long as they aren’t like a pedophile or a serial killer or something. Differences are the building blocks to acceptance. They guide us closer and closer to it. Some people will never accept that the world is full of different people and that’s okay. The only people who really matter when it comes to your relationship is you. Do what works best for you, not what works best for the shitholes that try to ruin you.

All in all, there are some good and bad things when it comes to dating outside of your race. Everything you do has good and bad qualities to it, no shocker there. However, I don’t think that any of the bad qualities should be enough to deter someone from pursuing a relationship outside of their race. It is natural to be attracted to all women just like it is natural to be attracted to all men. People also have preferences which doesn’t at all make them a bad person. Some people choose to date strictly within their race and that’s okay. I just feel that it’s highly inappropriate to judge others if they choose not to. I love me a nice vanilla boy. And I don’t think that any bigoted butthole is ever going to change that. Embrace unity, be the change you want to see in the universe.