Intimacy and Why It Fails for Some of Us

When you think of intimacy, what's the first thing that comes to your mind? Is it the way they look at you when the sun shines into your eyes in the morning? Is it that moment where you feel fully content with the people you've surrounded yourself with? Or is it the thought of them giving you everything you've ever wanted?

6 Myths About Intimacy

If we miss the mark on what intimacy is, how can we identify it? What are the signs that I myself mistake in the relationship?

1. You must be a mind reader.

Ever been in a relationship and there are arguments because you're trying so hard to figure out their partner when their facial expression is different from what it usually is? Intimacy is not a mind game, it's about being honest with the other person and open to sharing your thoughts with one another.

2. "I can treat you any way I wish."

This cannot be further from the truth. No one has the right to treat you any way without your consent. This is always considered abuse, and treat it as such. You own your mind and body.

3. "Give me a minute, I can fix you."

Neither you or your partner are an old piece of furniture that you can fix up in your own image. It is not your job to fix the other person. A successful relationship comes with being openness, not manipulation and looking for what's wrong in the relationship or your partner.

4. Caring is a feeling.

We often treat caring as one of the main qualities in the relationship. Therefore if you stopped caring, so must the relationship. When you reach out to someone, that is because that person is important to you, whether or not you feel anything.

5. You've got to spill all your guts.

This is one of the worst things to request from your partner in a relationship. There are no "requirements" that you must meet in a relationship. Sometimes the most intimate moments are the silent ones. Neither of you owe a full life story. Often times the most respectful thing you can do for your partner is to wait and give them space on what they have to say.

6. It's got to be a good relationship all the time.

Everyone knows no relationship is perfect. Your parents tell you that all the time, they might say life has its ups and downs. Which is true, you might not agree with a friend on something and it makes the two of you upset at each other for a bit, your partner might have a different idea. Everything is flawed in some way, no one is perfect, it's impossible. And even then, if you're perfect, someone else might find you imperfect.

True Nakedness

All in all, intimacy does not have to be purely physical. It is not something that should be forced, it is not something that is required, and it is certainly something that has to be achieved with both parties willing.

"Your naked body should belong only to those who fall in love with your naked soul.''—Charlie Chaplin.

Works Cited

-Jantz, Gregory. L. (2015, March 25.) 6 Myths about intimacy. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hope-relationships/201503/6-myths-about-intimacy