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Is It My Fault?

I put my relationship on pause...

By Maya CamrenPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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So I met this guy, let's call him... Denny. I met Denny through Instagram, and he followed me, so I followed him back, then he added me on Snapchat and started talking to me. At first I was like okay.....

But I was like whatever, I will make a new friend and turns out he knew my best friend! Who knew right? So I was talking to him and then he wanted to come and visit me. He lives three hours away from me and so I was really confused at first why he would want to drive out that far just to meet me. So I guessed that he liked me or something and it hasn't even been a month yet. But I was like okay whatever. He came here and I invited him to this party that was happening that night and it went kinda well and stuff and we continued to talk and I knew that he probably wanted to be more than friends. So the next time he came around was New Years, and let me tell you this was my first relationship with a guy and I'm 21. Technically, it wasn't even a relationship... yet. But the point is it was my first relationship and also I haven't even had my first kiss yet! I know, I know, you think I'm probably ugly or something for not having my first kiss yet, but not to gloat I'm quite attractive. It is just that I'm very christian, and I believe that you should wait till your wedding day to have your first kiss. It's cute okay! Anyway, he knows that because my best friend told him that, so that he won't try anything funny ya know what I'm saying?

So anyway before New Year's he would try to hold my hand and try to hug me and stuff and I'm a pretty closed off person so right after the "date" I told him that I did not feel comfortable with that stuff yet. I wasn't ready, he got all upset and butt hurt saying that this was his way of showing affection and that he cared for me. Made me feel guilty to be completely honest.

But we talked and everything was back to normal. Then New Years came and I invited him to my church for the New Years party we were having. He came and everything was good and since we were in church he didn't try anything at all. Praise God! But right before 12:00 of the new year, at 11:59 he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. It was a perfect date and time. And then it started.

More cuddles, more hand holding and thigh holding!!! I was NOT ready for that at ALL! He kept kissing my cheeks and it was too close to my mouth and I did not feel comfortable at all, each time we were together, after I felt tense. I told him many times that I was not there yet in the kissing and thigh holding and he kept saying that nothing is wrong with that and that he liked having his hand on my thigh.

I couldn't take it anymore and so I started praying to God to help me out and to help me overcome this trial. I tried so hard to be okay with everything he was doing and he was going overboard not only with the gifts but with the constant need to be near me. I would cry about it at night and hope that God would help.

So when Valentine's came along he insisted to come here. Just so that he could spend it with me and yes that's cute but we agreed on one present and he got me ten! But Valentine's went well, besides the usual kisses and cuddling and then he touched my butt and refused to let go even when I grabbed his hand and pulled it away. He put it right back on and so I ran out of his car and ran to my car which was parked right across the parking lot. I fled, and I knew then that I couldn't do it anymore and that I had to break things off with him.

I had found out that he wanted to propose to me this summer and we have only been dating a month and a half and I was like "that's it I'm done." Though I did not want to hurt his feelings because he was doing so well with coming closer to God and stuff and yet I felt like I was getting further away from God. I didn't want him to spiral down after that. So I talked with one of my most christian friends that I have and God speaks through her all the time. And she told me that she felt like he didn't respect me enough to stop doing what he was doing even if I was uncomfortable. Also, that he wants what he wants and nothing is gonna stop him from getting it.

She proposed that I tell him that I wanted to focus all my attention on God, and I truly did want that. And so I deleted all my social media pages that way God would be my number one priority and then I told him that, "Lately I have this strong urge to put all my attention on God, and I feel as though this relationship does not have God first. I need to focus on growing my relationship with God, we both do. I think that we shouldn't break up but put this relationship on pause, and focus on what's really important, and that is God. I personally feel as though I'm slowly getting farther and farther away from God and that is the last thing that I want." That is what I wrote word for word and he then texted my best friend and was like, "I don't do breaks and she was only using me for cuffing season." Which is totally not true. But now he refuses to text me except saying that he is totally disgusted by everything.

So yeah that's my story. Technically, I did not break up with him because I just wanted to put the relationship on pause and hopefully with time apart and growing closer to God, he would realize what he was doing was wrong. But he doesn't do breaks so I guess we're over.

breakups
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About the Creator

Maya Camren

Just someone who needs a place where they can freely talk and not be criticized or judged for it

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