Is Long Distance Worth It?

A long distance relationship was not something I ever thought I would be in when I was 17 years old. Prior to this relationship, I have been single since birth. Obviously, I always wanted to be in a relationship and most people I've talked to have said that dating when you are 18 is quite late, as many start dating at the age of 12. I think that’s way too young.

Story

This relationship all started online. I wasn’t a social person although I did have a close group of friends. I just didn’t have many guy friends at the time and just liked the idea of meeting new people online. I started talking online when I was 14. So young to be talking online, but luckily enough I wasn’t naive. I met many people, many that were funny, many that were very disturbing and one that is now a close friend. I met my current boyfriend two years later in February of 2014, we talked and developed feelings for each other straight away but I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with someone I had never met.

So for the next year and a half I kept it a secret from everyone I knew, it was crazy how I managed to not tell anyone. I think it was because I was so committed that eventually, I forget that I never told anyone. Funny enough, a year since I started talking to him, my dad asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday. He had two options, the first being a big party which is called a debut as I am half Filipino or a trip to any country. I went straight for the trip. The party was great but I would get an experience if I could travel to another country. And that’s where it hit me, I could go visit my boyfriend in the United States, he lived in California and I lived in England. Eight hours time difference and the Atlantic between us. I told my parents the idea and they said it was great, I had never been to the States and my mum also had family in San Francisco we could visit. I then told the plan for meeting my current boyfriend which I only associated with them as a friend, my dad was completely fine with it which was absolutely amazing. However, I felt that my dad being alright with meeting someone online for the first time was quite strange.

The trip was amazing, a great way to celebrate my birthday (even though my birthday is in April) with my family as the trip was in July. Meeting my current boyfriend for the first time was very strange but exciting at the same time, even though I only got to see him for 3 days. After I returned back to England, we became official a month later, although we actually made the official relationship to be in January just because we were basically acting like one prior to meeting him. I just didn’t think my parents would let me date, but that wasn’t the case.

As we lived quite far apart, we can only to visit each other once a year. So I've currently visited him twice in California, but at the time of which this story will be posted my boyfriend will be coming to England at the end of January. For many people, only seeing your significant other once a year is very hard. As many don’t consider to go long distance due to some of the issues it faces. But if you are able to afford it depending on your distance, many are able to visit more than others.

There are three scenarios where people are in long-distance relationships:

The first scenarios would be if the couple lived in the same place, but one person had to move away for a small period of time. This could be due to moving away to university, many young people have that issue. Sadly, a lot of these relationships start to break because either these individuals meet new people and either one or both individuals may not be able to deal with not seeing their partner all the time.

Another reason is a person in the relationship could be moving away to work in a new city or a new country. The period can depend on the person, if you have this situation then you should really talk to your partner about what will happen in the future. If it is the case that it is only for a year or permanently, then you need to discuss whether you want to stay in the relationship and hope for your partner to move back or move to live with them. This is a big decision.

The last scenario is the one that I am currently in which is where you have never met the person in real life and you live in different countries. These are relationships you really need to think about before going through with. Most likely, if you want to be in a long-distance relationship with someone from another country, then you will are more likely to want a future with them. You don’t want to waste your time on something that has no future. That’s my personal opinion. The reason is that you are putting so much effort into a relationship where you are not sure what the future will be, you don’t know in the future whether you or your partner will move to yours or their own country.

Although these scenarios sound a little daunting, there are pros and cons to being in a long-distance relationship.

The Reasons Why Long Distance Is Hard to Maintain:

• Being by yourself most of the time (this depends on the distance as some people can visit more often than others).
• Never being able to hang out with your partner.
• Having to get used to video chatting or texting, it does get boring over time but there are ways to spice up the relationship even with this restriction.
• Potentially developing trust issues.
• Being able to trust someone who is far away is quite hard for some people.
• People can easily cheat without their partner knowing.
• The only way to develop your trust with your partner is by talking to them and finding out if they are on the same page with the relationship as you are.
• Not being able to experience holidays and birthdays with them (I’ve only experienced one of his birthdays which made it very special for him).
• Acting as if you are single even though you are in a relationship.
• Dealing with this is quite hard for me as many of friends are in a relationship, so it’s a bit annoying to hang out with a friend and their boyfriend.
• A lot of third wheeling for me.
• I don’t always enjoy going to events where people are bringing dates, lucky for me I have a few friends that are single so I can still have a date (tell boyfriend first).

However, there are few benefits to being in a long distance relationship:

• You still get a lot of free time to yourself (I’m a person that likes being by there self a lot).
• Some people that are in a relationship tend to hang out with their significant others a lot, to the point where they put less priority into hanging out with friends.
• I know it’s a hard thing to stop doing especially if you have recently started dating. However, your friends have been with you longer and in my opinion, losing a close friend is harder than losing a boyfriend. Boyfriends come and go, while friends are harder to lose in comparison.
• If you are able to be in a long-distance relationship in the long-term, then you will develop a strong commitment to a person. This skill can be used in everyday life.
• Lastly, every encounter when you meet is as if it was the first time you met all over again.
• It’s a weird feeling but it means you always miss your partner and you get very excited when you next see them.
• I know there are more cons than pros, but if you really love a person and see a future with them then that basically overrides everything.

Overall, if you are ever in a situation where you do consider being in a long-distance relationship. You really need to think about it, there is a lot of commitment involved and you don’t want to waste your time for your partner if you are not fully committed to the relationship since the beginning. But if you really love them and you want to do it then do as you please. Never worry what other people think. Just know that if you do it and manage to keep this going for long-term, you can say to your friends that you are better at commitment than they are. Many relationships fail because of commitment even though they are with each other everyday.