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Is Romance Dead?

Does romance die or evolve?

By Jina SpenardPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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As I’m laying here in bed at 5:23 in the morning I can’t seem to quiet my mind on one simple subject. Is romance dead? I guess the answer would depend on what you believe is romance. When I was younger I watched movies, read books, and heard stories of these grand romantic notions that make woman swoon and fall madly in love. You’re told romance is flowers, kissing, gifts, and open displays of grand affection. I believed in that for a long time and like most woman, to this day, have a soft spot for it, but I see things in slightly different light.

When I first met my husband 10 years ago I was a 16 year old girl who was full of wonder and wide-eyed. I felt excited by his touch. I used to crave those passionate kisses and I’d get intoxicated off of his scent. He used to bring me gifts, kiss me everytime he saw me, and tell me I’m beautiful often. We used to be inseparable. Had crazy passionate sex multiple times a day anywhere we could. If I’m being honest if his back seat could talk I’d be incredibly embarrassed...

Then came baby number one and the passion died down a little, though the love was still there. We had issues being so young, but we still adored each other. He still told me I was beautiful often. He still kissed me feverishly, but not as often. We lived together and no longer needed the backseat of his car for sex, instead it had a carseat. The gifts stopped because we had things to buy for our new family. Rent, utilities, insurance, diapers, etc. I remember, at one point doing dishes in our small little kitchen sink, he came up behind me,wrapped his arms around me, kissed the back of my neck, and whispered I love you... at that moment that was what I saw as romantic and sweet... It wasn’t said for sex,nor was it said or done because he felt obligated. It was because he loved me and in that moment it was enough.

Then came baby number 2 a year and a half later. Still we loved each other, even though we went through even rockier times... we still held each other at nights. We still dreamt of being old together. I thought there was going to be no more romance. The passion was only a spark, no longer a flame to burn the world around us. We still made love and kissed in the moment, but those were fewer... the kids exhausted us. It was in the moment that I started getting sick and throwing up again at the smells of foods that he shined to me as I cried and asked how are we going to do this again? He looked at me and said well do it together. In that moment I saw the guy who held me when I was a kid and I told all my dreams and hopes for life to. He was the guy I fell head over heels For. To me in that moment that was romance. What’s not more romantic than someone being by your side in your most hopeless of moments? He had every right to fall apart as I was. Be as lost in despair as I was, but he chose to soothe me as I’m sure he was freaking out inside.

Now after 10 years together romance isn’t hearts and flowers to me anymore. It’s the silent cuddles at night as we fall asleep. It’s the debates and laughter about lighthearted subjects. It’s the trials we’ve overcome together and gotten stronger for. It’s holding hands in the car as the music plays and the wind goes through our hair. It’s the moments when he looks over at me laying in bed reading a book and he says I love you. It’s those phone calls in the middle of his work day he sneaks so I know he’s thinking about me. Sometimes when your relationship is no longer new and fun you look back and get jealous of your youth and forget that romance has evolved like your Relationship. Do I get flowers and hearts and candy? No I don’t. Instead I get a man who loves me reguardless of my faults and flaws. I get a man who works hours and hours at a dangerous job to provide for our family we created together.

Do I still yearn for the simplicity of the youthful romance? Yes from time to time. It happens. Sometimes, I want to be given i’m thinking of you flowers and have him twirl me in circles as he kisses me romantically like in the movies. Then I remember that’s a movie and my life isn’t a romance movie. My husband isn’t perfect by any measure or means, but neither am I. Romance is what you make it.

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