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Is Standing by Someone You Love Worth It, Even If It's Wrong?

It's difficult to set aside your morals when you're truly in love with someone. It's so difficult that walking away is probably the hardest thing you can do.

By Published 6 years ago 4 min read
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The conflict of being in love with someone that goes against your values is a mind game that you play with yourself. You end up having constant conversations with yourself, creating a pros and cons type of chart in your head but still coming to one conclusion, does being in love with someone outweigh their immoral compass? Or are you giving them a pass because you're making your love towards them a weakness?

I fell in love at the wrong time, and clearly with the wrong person. The issue was he knew all the right things to say to get me to fall in love with him. He kept a lot of the lies going because he didn't want to lose me; sounds romantic right? Wrong.

I could bore you with the details but lets just say our relationship was a roller coaster of on and offs even before I found out that he lied to me about certain things. (Like he only slept with people he was in serious relationships with.) I really don't know how to explain our relationship except for the fact that it would leave me breathless and it would give me this sort of high that I never experienced, but then it'd also just leave me in a downward spiral of depression and angst when we ended it and we weren't talking.

The craziest thing about all of this was that I felt this high, even without being super involved physically. I think that is when I felt like I knew I was in love, because while I guess you could say he was attractive physically, there was just something about his personality that'd always leave me wanting more. However, even with that being said that might've just been the person he had portrayed himself to be.

Anyway, fast forwarding to present time, ex beau who still claims to really be in love with me, got into some shady stuff and by shady I mean appalling stuff and is now awaiting trial to go to jail.

He's at a psych facility for the time being but he wants me to come visit him. (He's in a different state right now). The issue is that I don't want to visit him mainly cause I don't want him to feel like I'm standing by whatever he did. I can be a ride or die type of chick but what he did was something that is far off my thinking outside of the box scale.

I work in mental health and what he did would be a total contradiction of everything I stand for, and all the people I help. The thing is that I don't think he realizes what kind of predicament he's put me in because of this request. Mainly because he doesn't whatever he did was wrong, and while I let him know that what he did was wrong and there was no way he could justify it, I got called a judgmental bitch. :) I blocked him and he came back with a sincere apology saying that he wished he could take back everything he said.

Even with all of this, the baggage, the lies, the random stress induced outbursts, I still can't get myself to hate him. In fact I still can't get myself to stop loving him. But in order to keep a part of myself from completely disrespecting everything I've ever believed in, I decided that the only way I respect myself is by not giving in to the simple requests he does have. This would be all for myself, and I think in this point of time, in this relationship I need to be selfish.

It's made me realize that no matter how much you love someone, you can't stoop to a level that goes against your beliefs, values, and moral compass. If it threatens that in anyway then is this person really worth loving? I can't say that I will ever stop being in love with him, but what I can say is that I won't have that regret of losing self respect only for the sake of a love that was semi built on lies and fantasies.

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