It Can't Be Forced

If the screw isn't going into the hole don’t jam it in, don’t think, “just a little bit more,” NO! “Maybe I should try a different tool (for the SIXTH time),” NO! just NO, Sure when you have tried the first two times, that’s usually enough, especially when you know the screw probably shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Yeah, I love talking about screws, it’s my thing some may say.

Alright, I am actually talking about LOVE; the thing we all want deep inside, even though some may act far from it. You might hear some people say I love, “love." I’m one of those people. Loved it since I was able to realize just a bit of what it is, I said just a bit, because it's not one of those things that you just know the first time you experience it. There are different types of love, and they all can be many things in themselves, but here I want to talk about that love that makes your stomach tingle like a thousand ferries are having a ball, the love that makes your heart drop like that mad beat in the club, the one that makes you feel the sunshine on your skin when you’re waiting for the bus in a -18°C weather. That Love, the love that you have for that special someone, that has wrecked or built your world.

I have had a few boyfriends so far, although I wouldn’t consider some, “real boyfriends,” because honestly, your girl was not even sure what the heck she was doing then. But along the way I found myself my first, decent, really amazing boyfriend. I say so, because he was great, not all men are TRASH. Before I got with Mr. Beautiful Eyes–we’ll call him that because he had beautiful eyes–we were really good friends, and we talked every day on the phone. I grew so fond of him, I told him everything, down to the tiniest detail, because talking to him was so much fun. I loved him AS A FRIEND! And at the time I thought to myself, this is the male best friend I’ve been wanting (I don’t want that anymore, don’t know why I was so crazed about it at the time). But Mr. Beautiful Eyes didn’t want to be just friends with me, SIDE TRACK... honestly, I don’t know how ya’ll be having the opposite sex as a best friend, it just doesn’t work most times. One of you probably wants more. BACK ON TOPIC... He would occasionally let me know, and for a short while I did agree to date him but, I didn’t love him like that. I tried for a bit, but I broke up with him letting him know, DUDE! I don’t love you like that, we are fine as just friends.

We did continue to talk after that, things pretty much went on the same way as it was. Then, he asked me out AGAIN, this time I agreed, after thinking about it for some time. This was my thought process; “ We are already great friends, I love talking to him, I am very fond of him, so what if I don’t love him like that, it can grow, I can learn to love him more.” She THOUGHT! Ha! That was where I went wrong, I knew the love wasn’t there, I knew it from the start, but I felt like the relationship we had could be turned into something else. Not to get me wrong, some of the best relationships start with friendship. But you would know if it’s just not it. Not all friendships turn into romantic relationships.

I tried, but there were so many signs that I wasn’t going to grow to love him like that, I didn’t make out time for him, most of our conversations ended in arguments, and frankly I was hurt, because the once beautiful friendship I had, had turned sour. At the back of my mind, I knew I didn’t love him, well the way I put it, “IN LOVE WITH HIM” I loved him alright, what’s not to love, as I said he was, and is, a great person. But after a year I ended things with him because I came to a very important realization; why waste his love on me, when another woman can give him the love he deserves, and I was thinking of ME (a story for another time).

So, what is this all saying? When you’re in love with someone, the feeling is almost undeniable, and If you have doubts about it, it usually means, they are not the one for you. For so long in the relationship, I felt like I was putting in so much work, and it STRESSED me out, love is work, but it shouldn’t feel like you are giving an arm and a leg for it. People do crazy stuff for love, and people from the outside looking in would think you are just out of your damn mind, but you are going to be like, “that’s nothing,” because you are IN LOVE. You shouldn’t have to try, it's either love or NOT, so don’t force it.