It's Not Okay

I'll start by telling you a little about us.

I was an 18-year-old high school track athlete with an extremely popular boyfriend. Everyone was a fan of his, no matter how much of a jerk he could be. We had been together for about two years, off and on, of course. Our families didn't like the fact that we were seeing each other, due to the fact that we would always choose each other over anything else. We both mentally hurt eachother, mainly with our words. However, he would use actions too, such as cheating and lying. We were high school kids who thought we were in love.

It was spring break of 2017. If you know anything about high school spring breaks, it's that they are full of drugs, alcohol, females and males, and overall poor decisions. So "CJ," my boyfriend, and I had decided that we would not partake in the reckless activities that year and just go somewhere else to be with each other. Now, I was surprised when CJ had agreed because that environment was just his cup of tea. Fast forward to Friday, CJ tells me his mom and him are going to Corpus Christi, (a city near the spring break festivities). Automatically, I knew he was lying and was going to pack up and go with boys the next day to party. But, I went along with it. At this point in the relationship, I had been cheated on and hurt so bad I was numb to the truth that he didn't love me. So, the next morning around 11 am I get on my phone and go directly to snapchat to look at CJ's friend's stories. Low and behold, there they are at the beach (that's where the fun happens). At this point I'm not upset yet, because I mean, what did I expect, you know? Later on, I end up letting him know I knew where he was. Than when he found time he apologized and begged for my forgiveness. For the first time in two years, he didn't get it. He didn't get anything from me. Not even a response. Four days later my friend asked if I wanted to go with her and her family to the same place CJ had gone. And out of anger and spite I said yes, even though that wasn't my scenery. The day after, I had gone to the beach both CJ and I have track practice together. This would be the first time we have seen each other all spring break and talked after what he did. Pictures of me and my friends were taken at the party and he happen to see them. When I arrived at practice some "women shaming" words from CJ were said. I had heard those words from him before, so it didn't hurt me, I was just ready to get practice over with and leave. Time goes on and he leaves from practice, and after procrastinating for 20 minutes as do I. As I'm walking towards the gym, I see him walk out from the gym door. I continue to walk, and he holds the door shut and says we need to talk. I simply say, "I have nothing to say to you" and force open the door. He follows me and pulls my backpack as if he's trying to pull me into the "recovery" room. This room was small, dark, and had no cameras. I turned and followed him. As to this day, I have no idea what made me go in there. It was very dark in the room I was only able to see the outline of him. I felt scared and threatened even though he was sitting down, and I was standing away from him. CJ stands up grabs my wrist pulls me close and demands to see my phone. I pull away and back up, and I sense that I'm in a lot of trouble at this point. CJ then openly handed slapped me on the left side of my face causing my phone to fly out of my hands. I quickly grabbed it because I knew that's what he wanted, and I wouldn't get it back. CJ then attempted to push me on the ground (the wall caught my fall, so I stumbled a bit). I got my balance as soon as I could and tried to run for the door. He grabbed me as I was inches away from the door (where a camera was visible) and proceeded to punch me. I than raised my knee, forcefully, hitting him where I knew it would hurt. Cj had managed to get one more punch in before I made it out the door. As I was leaving the room, I saw another athlete walking in to the room I was just leaving. We met eyes, but I kept walking. I keep thinking what if he came in two minutes earlier. What if.

Few months later after pressing charges I went to check on the case. I was basically told by the District Attorney that this was a small town and he is very favored, so me winning this case without proof other than me coming out of the small room with my hands over my face is unlikely. I did have marks on my face, bruises and bumps on my head from the hits, however, after hearing that I felt like I has no chance and I needed to give up. So that is what I did. I dropped the charges and moved on from it. Sometimes I still think what if I had one, just one witness. Would that make all the difference?

My reason for telling you this story is to let you know you're not alone. And making decisions such as the one I made are extremely hard. And to please, please never give up. Break the silence that so many females have. Your alive, the next girl might not be so lucky. I let a guilty boy go and make room to hurt other females all because I felt like I couldn't win. You can win. You will win. In order to win you have to be in the game.