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It's Not Over, Not for Us

We will be okay.

By Stormy RobertsonPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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I have not included pronouns in this piece because heartbreak is not a pain felt by only one gender. Boys hurt girls, yes. But, girls hurt boys. Boys hurt boys. Girls hurt girls.

You can convince yourself and everyone around you that you know you're better off but at night, you hurt. You want to tell them that you're hurting. The hardest thing about it is that you have to keep reminding yourself that they do not care. They are not worried if you're hurting or not, they don't think about the memories you're holding so closely to you. As you think about it more, you do realize how terrible they were. How many boundaries they crossed after you said no, how they then painted you into a terrible person for being upset about it. So we stay up, night after night, missing someone that does not give a fuck about us, reminding ourselves that we are not what lights up their days, we never were. And when we wake up? We miss them. We worry about them. and the people we meet weeks, months after them? They remind us of that one person. and as soon as we realize that, we miss them again. We convince ourselves that there's a hole in our hearts that only they can fill, and we let them come back. They hurt us, just like we knew they would. our bleeding hearts become our new favorite high, we crave it night and day. We go back time after time after time, begging them. Promising to stay no matter how many times they hurt us; because secretly, isn't that what we want? The lies, the games, the insults; they reiterate what we've been telling ourselves for years.

We wanted to love them, we wanted to know their deepest secrets and their biggest fears and we wanted to be there when their world fell apart. We wanted to call them when they were hurting, stay up all night just to make sure they were okay. We did not just want to fuck. We did not want to only be looked at when we were showing skin. But, we took what we could get. We did not love ourselves yet. We told ourselves that maybe they just loved differently, that they did mean it when they said, "I love you" and it was only a coincidence that it only happened in the bedroom. We convinced ourselves that the lust in their eyes was love. We convinced ourselves that when they continued to touch us after we said no, that it really was because, "that’s what happens sometimes."

We wanted to be shown as much love as we gave out. We wouldn’t get it, so we’d try again. We didn’t want to be bitter, we didn’t want to believe that it’d always be like this; that we’d always fall for the ones that only saw us physically. So, we continued to love. We continued to give our all to everyone who came into our lives. And sometimes, they played along for a few months before showing their true intentions. Sometimes they waited years. Sometimes, they broke us.

Or so we thought. Here we are, we are still standing. We are still loving. We are still fighting each and every damn day to prove we’re more than our bodies, in a society that’s been telling us the opposite since we were born. We may get hurt again. We may get hurt by the one person we never would’ve expected. We may have to take a step back from meaningful friendships that are presenting red flags. We may be scared. But we will remain standing. Our hearts will remain full of love for everyone in our lives, no amount of hurt will take that from us.

breakups
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About the Creator

Stormy Robertson

I'm just a kid writing what I'm passionate about.

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