It Takes Time
Your life with them is not juxtaposed.
I used to beat myself up over people leaving me. I would blame myself and overthink why they left, wonder what I did to push them away. Then one day I had a revelation of sorts: Yes, people will leave and yes, it will hurt like hell, but you can’t fall apart every time it happens. I realized that before you heal, it is likely to get worse for a while.
When you wake up to the empty space in your bed, when you start to feel their absence in your daily activities, when you miss them so bad and the truth sinks in that they’re gone forever—breathe and remember it will pass. It will feel like a part of you has gone missing. It will cause an ache that is bound to echo through your heart and mind for months, affecting every aspect of your life. It will affect parts of your life they never used to be part of, but even though it hurts, you need to realize your own worth. It was not your fault—remind yourself of the facts.
Even before the word “us” turned into something singular, everything had already changed. If you look back, really look back, you can see that they are not the same person you fell in love with and you are not the same person that fell for them. So release the fists clenching onto the past and take off those rose-coloured glasses. There is a reality that we all have to face: Loving and breaking up does not have any legalities or contracts. You cannot expect someone who broke your heart to still think of your welfare and think of how you would feel after. If they did, you would have never broken up because breaking someone’s heart means they’ve stopped caring for you.
I know that it is not easy to let go. Letting go of them means letting go of everything you have known and loved for so long. When you’re so used to them that you cannot picture yourself with anyone else, how can it possibly be easy? But I promise it will get better. So, breathe and let go. Take it one day at a time. You may fall apart at the mere mention of their name, cringe in pain when a song comes on the radio, break down when you find their old sweater in a corner of your closet or their pictures on your cell phone. These little things may break you all over again and convince you that you can never heal, but trust me you will. For every step that you take backward, remember to take two steps forward, because one day you’re going to wake up and find that you don’t care anymore.
Do not let the loss of their presence shake you up too bad. Do not let them affect how you feel about yourself; feel sad, miss them, but don’t ever doubt yourself. It takes time for you to realize that your life with them is not juxtaposed. It takes time to realize that it is not as simple as a before and after. It takes time to realize that they are just a detour on your journey.
Know that it is not a bad thing to love in black and white. Love was never made for grey anyway. They just weren’t the right person for you—if they were right for you, they would have stayed. Sotake a breath and release them.Let time do the healing.
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