For years finances have been known to be the root of many relationship troubles. It's like the big elephant in the room that seems to never go away. What's worse is that often times we as women don't even realize just how devastating it is to a man when his finances are not where he wants them to be.
Let me paint a picture for you.
When I first met my beau he was making a crazy amount of money. He was an educated and successful man with his finances completely in tact. At that same time he was also going through a divorce and he had no idea that his finances were going to take a Mike Tyson sized blow.
The first blow: child support. He was ordered to pay $1000 a month in child support for his son and daughter.
The second blow: job loss. His company's contract with the city ended and he all of a sudden found himself without work.
The third blow: an across country move. After losing his job in sunny California, he decided that it would be best to move to the South –where he was originally from– to be closer to his children and to take advantage of the more affordable cost of living.
The fourth blow: having another child. About 2 months after we moved to the South together, we found out that we were expecting a baby.
The fifth blow: taking a job with a $25,000 pay cut. You read that right. After several months of looking for work, he had no choice but to accept a position paying much less than what he was making in California.
At first it seemed as though everything would balance out because of the affordable cost of living; but we quickly found that with child support payments and the added costs of having a new baby, money was going out faster than it was coming in.
Soon after, the trouble began.
If I mentioned anything about money, it was an instant argument. The constant disagreements pulled us further and further apart. He became more and more distant. Our sex life plummeted. He fell into a deep depression. And so did I.
It was devastating to see the man that I loved feeling as though he was less than a man because he could not adequately provide for his family. I tried everything I could to help, but the response I always received from him was "I don't need your help and I don't want your money!"
I started to feel uncomfortable in my own home. It seemed like he was always upset with me. I began to wonder if he even loved me anymore. It came to a point where it felt like our relationship was over and beyond repair.
But then something happened..... He was offered a higher paying position at work.
Instantly, it felt as though EVERYTHING changed.
Happiness crept back into our home again. The tension was gone. The stress was gone. The arguments were all gone. It was like receiving the cure for a terminal illness.
After 3 long agonizing years of financial drama, the man I loved was finally himself again. And I became myself again too.