John and Jane... and Sexism

Sexism is still prevalent in American society though our media outlets try to scream "all genders are equal" and the movements for women's rights are still brought up as though they solved all remaining issues. Yes, women are allowed to vote and yes, they are allowed to work wherever they choose. Yes, they can even own property and yes, they can drive. But in our still male-dominated culture there are shortcomings, some of these are passed down through generations while others are inflicted by popular culture. They exist not only in the workplace, but also in our personal relationships. Both men and women are victims of sexism though typically this topic tends to focus on the women's side.

Let's visit our friends John and Jane again as they prepare for the first Thanksgiving gathering in their home. They have been together for five years and lived together for four. John is an only child with a father who is a lawyer and a mother who was a house wife. Jane is one of four children, her father a plumber and her mother works as a fifth grade teacher.

Scene: The table is set with turkey and all the holiday sides. John has prepared his mother's famous stuffing and made dinner rolls from scratch while Jane has prepared a casserole.

John's father: "Jane did a nice job setting the table."

Jane: "Actually, John did it. He went shopping yesterday for new dishware while I was working."

John's father: *laughs* "The kitchen is no place for a man. I suppose he was cooking this morning as well?"

Problem One: The assumption that women are supposed to do household tasks such as cooking.

Jane: "Well he's better at it than I am."

John comes to the table, receiving strange looks from his father who is beginning to turn an alarming shade of red under his white beard. "What did I miss?"

John's mother: "I never let Joseph enter the kitchen, I don't even think he knows how to work a stove."

John's father: "And I never let Sherry work outside the house. The home is the woman's sphere."

Problem two: Shouldn't everyone know how to cook for themselves? It's okay to want to take care of each other, but each should be capable of such tasks. Also, "spheres," as John's father says, should be shared areas. Couples should work together in order to provide for the home.

Jane's mother: "We never taught Jane to cook, she had no interest. She'd rather help her father with the vehicles."

Progressive thinking: Not all women want to cook, it's important for both genders to be able to act upon their interests.

John's father: "The garage is no place for a woman!"

Problem three: Assuming that only men can work on cars and that all men enjoy doing so.

Jane's father: "Well why not?"

John's father: "Because that's a man's work. Men are mechanics, women are cooks and bakers. Simple as that."

But it wasn't that simple...

John: "Things are changing, at least they're trying to, but people that think like you are making it difficult. Those are thoughts of a passing generation dad."

Jane: "Now, men and women can do whatever they want. I can work in the garage and John can hang out in the kitchen. I can change the oil in his car while he cooks lunch for us. Questions are still asked, but no one is refused. It's called freedom, for everyone. A man can be a nurse just as easily as a woman can be an engineer."

John: "Women are still working for equal opportunities, but things are different now than when you and mom were raising me."

John's father: "But who wants a wife that's covered in grease?"

Jane: "Who wants a husband that won't let her live?"

Take Away...

Sexism is still loud in America although some comments may seem completely harmless when they're said. They are said innocently, but often have an underlying bite. While working (which includes sweeping and cooking) I've heard "you'll make a good wife someday." If I had heard this only once it would have been something easily ignored, but it has been said multiple times over the years causing a strange itch in the back of my mind that I just can't ignore. Cooking and cleaning, is that really what makes a good wife? These are thoughts from a generation whose values are slowly fading out and being replaced by a generation who has more equal values. It is still an upward climb for complete equality, but creating common ground in our relationships is a step in the right direction.

What do we do?

Separate tasks evenly, take turns! Both should know how to cook and how to clean. Men are not the only providers in relationships now, some women have begun earning more than their partners which can cause some strife, but if compromises are made and respect is shared on both sides these petty disagreements can be overlooked. Share the bill just as much as you share spheres. Come together as a full team, each carrying equal weight.

Statistics: Hours spent on housework in a week: Men: 15.7, Women: 24.6Men are 30% more likely to be promoted than women. Manager level: Men: 63%, Women: 37%77.4% of people in a relationship think men should pay the date bill

Who pays the bills: Men: 35.9%, Women: 14.3%

***These statistics show a few things. 1) A majority of people in leadership are men and 2) There are still some old school views in today's world of relationships. Bills should be shared as well as chores.