John and Jane Find Balance

It's been a while since we paid a visit to John and Jane, two characters that represent common themes in our every day relationships. Today, we will be looking at different methods they use to balance their time. Prior to living together the balance of time and attention was one of the main arguments they had.

John works as a bartender four nights out of the week. He enjoys riding his bike, playing video games, going out with his friends or sitting in the game room with them. Jane works as a secretary five days out of the week and enjoys reading, walking, and once in a while her friends tag along on hikes. Both started their jobs recently, before they were assigned their new schedules, though they were together almost every day. Jane often spent time with John and his friends and sometimes he would go on hikes with her. During this time the two fell into a routine that was both beneficial and also hindering. "I'm bored" became a frequent saying (usually followed by, "at least we're bored together"). Although they were together the frequency lead to less important time together. They were not given a chance to miss each other!

With the change of schedules they had less time to spend not only with each other, but also doing things they enjoyed. With the lack of time came a lack of communication that almost lead to a split!

Scene 1

It's Sunday, the only day that John and Jane both have off. They are watching a movie before its time to go out. They made reservations in town earlier in the week. When the plans were made John was looking forward to them, but by the time the night reaches him he is so tired from work that he really doesn't want to go out again. It's a quiet night, an hour before they are to head out. But suddenly, John's friends arrive in a surprise visit. Instead of telling them he has plans, the friends are invited in to join the movie. Soon, the movie is completely forgotten as the story is swallowed in loud conversation. Jane tries to ignore the twinge of annoyance she feels, but she can't. She continuously checks the time, hinting to John that it's getting late and they're going to miss their reservation. John nods, but barely registers what she's saying as they turn on a video game.

In the end they miss the reservations. Instead of joining in with John and his friends Jane is annoyed and goes to bed early. She doesn't explain to John the reason for her annoyance and the next day John doesn't apologize for his friends ruining what was meant to be their date night.

What could have been done differently?

1. John easily could have sent his friends away.
2. Jane should have shared her feelings about missing the reservation and made it clear to John that he was causing it.
3. John could have involved Jane in the activities with his friends a little more.
4. The two could have turned it into a different kind of date night. They could have ordered in and had a game night. It would have been a balance of time between the relationship and other friendships.
5. John also could have told her that he was too tired to go out, she would have understood if there had been more communication.

Scene 2

Its three weeks into the new work schedules. Jane is facing stress at work and tasks keep piling in. With the weekend approaching she hopes to spend time with John since they each have Sunday off. Last Sunday he went to a ball game with his friends, and the Sunday before a date was cancelled by his friends coming over and staying so late reservations were missed. By the time she gets home on Thursday, John has already gone to work for the day, but she knows he has his cell phone handy. She sends him a quick text, trying to make plans for weekend coming up. She showers as she waits for a reply. When she comes out of the bathroom she sees a notification on her phone and quickly reads the message.

"Actually going away with the boys Sunday morning, be back Monday afternoon."

Jane quickly becomes angry and may reply to him too quickly.

"Is this really what you want? We haven't spent any time together since we started working more. I would think you'd want to see me a little more than your friends, but ok. I think I need to think about this whole thing."

On the plus side, Jane shared how she was feeling. On the not so bright side, she did it through text message and kept previous emotions bottled up so she may have overreacted (we're all guilty of doing this sometimes).

As a result of sharing her emotions though, John did make a visit to her house that night to talk things over.

What could have been done differently?

1. Well, John could have made time for Jane after the past two weekends were ruined.
2. He could have invited Jane on the trip when he first learned about it. Even if it was something he knew she didn't like the thought of including her is important to share.
3. Jane should have shared her emotions earlier on so that she didn't over react when another plan was tossed to the side.

Important Things to Remember

Relationships are work. They are never "a walk in the park." There will always be obstacles. Even if you're dating your best friend, you'll find things that annoy you. You'll discover that too much time together may actually make you get annoyed by little things you once enjoyed about that person. That laugh you thought was so cute before may actually sound like a dying pig by the end of the seventh day together. However, not spending enough time together can actually lead to someone feeling unwanted and slightly angry. It's important to have time together, time with friends, and time with yourself. Always remember to be vocal about what you want. If John had said, "I've been working a lot, I just want to spend some time at home with my friends and you," the day their reservation was cancelled would have gone smoother. Jane would have tried to sympathize with the stress he was feeling and would have made the night more enjoyable for both of them.

Remember to communicate and balance your time!