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Journey of Girls

My Trip to Find Love

By Delanie PhillipsPublished 6 years ago 6 min read
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When I was younger, I was told to treat others the way I would like to be treated. Love as I would like to be loved and listen to others as I would want to be listened to.

Throughout my life, I used those words of wisdom to make friends and relationships.

I dated women who would manipulate me. I would think they are loving me, but really it was for them to get what they wanted from me. It was trial and error until I found the one.

I thought I was in love with my first girlfriend when I was 14-years-old. I thought she was everything. My mom didn’t like her, or the fact that it was a girl, so being with her was even more rewarding. Through the three years of dating, we had our hiccups and fought. I thought it was normal, not being in a previous relationship. I had no idea I just liked the attention. I thought that if I wanted to physically be with someone as much as they wanted to be with me, it worked. I was young and dumb. Seeing other high school relationships and adult relationships, I noticed that ours wasn’t like that. Looking back I see it all now, but at the time I had no idea how she was ruining my life.

I went down a dark path after her. She broke my trust and I had built walls higher than you can imagine. I dated other girls, but they didn’t last long. I couldn’t trust anyone with my feelings. I turned to drugs for a while to numb the pain from these girls. A few girlfriends later, I thought I was in love again. She used her money to buy my love. I never knew someone who had money, let alone who'd spend it on me. I liked it at first, but I realized I wanted her to just say she loved me, not buy me something that said it. I started to see how she was treating me and how I wanted my life to go. It was up and was in a downward mental spiral. She told me the last six months she was cheating on me. The 6th girl to do that to me. So I threw in the towel. She ended up being, with no exaggeration, totally crazy.

I have been hurt by so many girls. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was very down on myself. Until this girl came about. She was in the middle of my ex and my mess, but she helped me clean it up. We didn’t have much in common except sports. She had big dreams to be famous. I wanted to stick around this crumby Nebraska town. She loved coaching and wanted to do something with her life. I wanted to settle. As she talked about her passion, I knew this was real love. The other girls were young, stupid feelings. This was my first real adult relationship. I saw how a relationship worked. It’s not about, what can I give them so it will benefit me? It is about helping each grow as individuals and a couple. We were not able to grow as a couple. I am made to be a wife and have a family. She is made for fame and fortune. After a year and a half with her, we helped each other become our best selves. I was my best self. I forgave my past and moved on. I have goals and am inspired to find my passion.

When we broke up, I wasn’t sad that we weren’t meant to be on the same path. I was upset because I lost a mentor and a friend. Then one day this amazing girl came out of the woodwork and into the sunlight. I say that because she was always there, but neither of us knew it. We have been friends for years and worked together. The last leg of my ex and my relationship, she was there being an amazing friend. I, being oblivious, had no idea of her feelings. I don’t think she did either until my ex and I ended it. I have to give her props, because she got balls and pretty much invited herself over. She almost had to spell it out for me that she liked me. I never have met someone so determined to get what she wants. Or someone who is liked by all. Everyone likes her and that turns me on. When we started dating, I could see she wasn’t her best self like I was. I wanted her to mend things with her mom because I did and it was a wonderful feeling. I love myself and life and I wanted her to feel the same. That is what life is about, being happy. I felt like I was pushing her a little bit because I could see her potential on loving herself and her life. I wanted to be with someone that did and I knew she would with a push.

Months into the relationship I saw what I never saw in any of my relationships prior, equality. She treats me the way I should be treated. She listens to me. She loves me, just as much as I love her. She was what I have been looking for. I have seen her grow so much in a year. She has come out to her family and friends, she has gotten out of Nebraska (helped me as well), she is finding herself. She is struggling to find what she wants to do here in Colorado, but that’s why we moved here; to explore our might-be-passions. I have a job now and a routine finally. Once she gets a job of her liking I want to be able to start on our bucket list. Both, as a couple, and our individual ones. Go water-rafting, adventure into the mountains, and enjoy life together. I know this girl is the one for me. It’s the end of the road. My future wife. She makes me better. I clean up after myself, I help others, and I am slowly finding my path in life because she pushed me to find it. I have never had someone so supportive of me.

I believe my journey to her was a rough one. I learned many lessons along the way. The universe knew we weren’t ready for each other when we first met three years ago. It knew I needed to overcome my past and she needed to figure out herself. Now I couldn’t be happier with my life.

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About the Creator

Delanie Phillips

Don't call it a dream, call it a plan.

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