Just a Little More than Friends

Dear friend:

The day it all started, my heart was beating through my shirt so fast I was scared you could feel it. In fact, I was scared about a lot of things, but my heart was the most obvious one. Your confidence and sweetness made me feel protected, something I hadn’t felt since I was a little girl, before life had taken away my innocence and beautiful view of the world. However, that confidence didn’t last for long, and soon I realized you were nothing like the person I thought you were. Instead you’re just another soul that was lost in the void, yet had an air of coolness. Nice job fooling everyone, but most importantly I would like to congratulate you on fooling me. You see, a long time ago I promised myself I would never let another pair of dreamy eyes fool me, and as I once said to you, “I’m so scared of losing something I love that I refuse to love anything at all.” So, once again, congratulations, you made me break that promise and I don’t mean it because I felt for you, because I didn’t. I could never love you in that way; as much as I hate to admit it, we’re too much alike in the sense that we are both horrible people. Anyways, you fooled me in the sense that I was entirely convinced you were my friend and that you cared about me in a way that went beyond what was under my skirt or should I say jeans?

It really doesn’t matter now, does it? I don’t think so, so to get to the reason that started this letter in the first place, a letter which has a very small chance of ever making it into your hands, my most sincere apologies for every wrong I ever caused you, if I ever did caused you any harm at all. The blame of the whole situation lays on me really. I was the one that trusted you to not disappoint me like everyone else always does. Just like my favorite writer says, “it’s so wrong to think about someone as if they weren’t a person” and that’s exactly what happened with you. I held you so high on a pedestal that you stopped being a person and became an ideal, ideal with which I was disappointed, when I woke up one day and saw reality. Again, by no means is this your fault, I have a tendency to live more inside my head that I do in real life simply, because I can control the path things take better that way. You must know that I appreciate you and hold near to my heart all the nice and happy moments we’ve shared together, even if they weren’t as real for you as they were for me. The person that told me all his sad stories and held me close when I was in my lowest moments still lives there and one day you will become the wonderful man I know you to be. But in the meantime, I’m afraid it will become very difficult for me to stay and be your support through it because you see, they’re not wrong when they say history repeats itself; and once again I find myself at the edge of a cliff, trying to save the person that was supposed to save me. My first mistake was thinking you could save me, since you are in such desperate need for saving yourself and also because, to be honest, I’m not so sure I want to be saved anymore. Best of wishes my dear friend,

Me.