First off, this being my first post, I would like to get out there that I hate the word "lesbian" when describing women. It's not that I don't like that I am one and that other women are, it's honestly just the word itself. It's like when people say the word "moist"... like, why... that should be a crime. I like to say "gay" because it flows better and sounds happier.
I've always known that I'm gay. All my life I have been surrounded by unaccepting people and personal fears of losing the people I love the most. To this day, I still hide my true identity.
My first week of college went well until I started to realize that I would never be able to find love on a campus filled with conservative Trump supporters. They are all anti-feminist, pro-life, and not about the LGBTQ community. Being a part of the LGBTQ community at my school is considered a sin where faculty members are encouraged to influence conversion upon students that are not heterosexual.
During the mid-year, I started to be pushed by many of my peers to be a follower of Christ. I had no idea who Jesus was and if he could help me or not, but I felt out of place at this college with my sexuality and wanted to see if becoming a Christian would allow people to view me with more intention. I told everyone I was a Christian even though I was technically agnostic.
People started to treat me differently. I was shown more respect and asked to hang out at more social gatherings. I was appreciated and loved, but not for who I actually was. During the 2016 election, I remember hearing students cheering each time Trump won a state on the electoral vote... not to mention there was a giant ceremony when Trump declared presidency.
Toward the end of the year, I hated myself and the school. I wanted to start planning my transfer my sophomore year so I could be out by my junior year. I wanted to be somewhere where I could be gay and be proud.
Entering my sophomore year, I was ready to not be a Christian and begin building up my true self. It was difficult to be happy, but I managed to forget about other opinions that weren't my own. I started to dress and look the way I wanted. I was called ridiculous names and was told I looked like a boy. I sat through classes that preached the sinfulness about homosexuality and listened to women talk about how if Jesus wasn't a man, our world would fail... can you tell I'm a feminist yet?
Now here I stand, making it obvious that I don't care about what people think of me, still at the same Christian college taking it one step at a time, and loving who I am. My life at this school is much worse now that I'm not a Christian, but it is much better on a personal level that allows me to be who I want to be. I have met many students in the same boat as me but they have all transferred. My school only has 1,200 students and now I am the one gay student that I know of at this school.
Welcome to my beautiful, gay life.