Killing the Dating Game

Even as a relatively conservative person I have always advocated for dating around. Not in a sleazy way, but just a casual "let's get to know each other" outing. I firmly believe that getting to know different types of people ultimately teaches you more about yourself than anything else. And what do millennials love more than self-reflection?

I have never been what one might call a... I don't know. Whatever the female version of a ladykiller is. I've never been that. But, I have had the opportunity to go out with many different types of people and it has been extremely enlightening. This story, though, is a little word to the wise on what not to do.

Let me set the stage...

You meet a guy. He's nice and cute. Seems like he could be interested. After a little repartee he asks you out and you decide on a day. How exciting! New prospects are always a thrill, right?

Meantime, your loving sister who desperately wants you to meet someone who "will be good enough for you and meet your incredibly high standards" finds another candidate and arranges a beloved BLIND DATE. She swears up and down that this guy is really sweet and could be really promising. How could you not oblige? You say sure. The guy contacts you and it just so happens that the only day that works for you both is the day before the other date you've agreed to go on. No problem.

Wow, look at you! So desirable that not one, but two eligible guys want to take you out in the same week. What could go wrong!

So here I am. Two dates lined up and feeling good. Let me remind you, I am a good, wholesome girl. I care a lot about respecting others and being considerate of their feelings. Part of me wonders, "two dates right in a row with different people. Is this okay?" I quickly decide that I am not one bit committed to either of these guys. No harm no foul.

It's the night of date #1 and I am more nervous than usual because I've never actually met or spoken to this guy in my entire life. We had decided on a local pizza place and agreed to meet there. I had been on dates with guys I'd met over the internet before, but this seemed different. My contact with him had been very minimal and I had zero idea what to expect. Driving to the restaurant I start going through all the possible awkward interactions in my head. It was like I was seeing myself in a bad rom-com. You walk up to each other and say what? Do you hug? Shake hands? It all seemed so uncomfortable, but it was too late to back out.

Long story short, once we got seated everything was going fine. Neither one said anything too incredibly awkward and he was pretty cute. Win-win.

But here it is. You know it's coming... the plot twist.

There we are. Eating our za and having a moderately good to interesting conversation. I look up and who do I see walking in? Guy from date #2. My stomach drops. Immediate horror washes over me. It's one thing to feel fine about going on different dates two days in a row, but for the two dates to run into each other? Not ideal.

Date #2 and I make eye contact and I try to awkwardly smile before darting my eyes back to date #1. What can you do? What can you say? All I can think is, "dear god please don't let him come over here." Well, don't you worry. The stars aligned just right and I bet you can guess where the host seated them. At the table directly next to us. Was this real life? Was I this unlucky? Maybe if he had sat somewhere else in the restaurant then I could have played it off like I was just having dinner with a friend, but no. With him sitting 4 feet away he couldn't help but hear our "get to know you" questions, which were unavoidable since we knew absolutely nothing about each other.

After what felt like 62 hours, we finally finish and get the hell out of there. At this point, I am paying basically no attention to date #1 because I am wracking my brain about what to say to date #2. Will he bring it up? And if not, will it be too awkward if I don't bring it up? Date #1 and I part ways at the end of the night and as I am walking to my car I check my phone. You will never guess who I had a text from. Yep, date #2. It said this:

Hey good seeing you at Timber.

What kind of passive aggressive bullshit is that?! I was embarrassed and annoyed at the same time. I reply with some flimsy apology and say I am excited for our date, which I was now dreading in reality.

Neither of us cancel and the next night date #2 commences. What made it all even worse was that this guy turned out to be one of the most sensitive people I have ever met, but also non-confrontational (or at least in person). After date #2 ended and I was back at home, he started texting me monologues about how I made him feel and what a horrible person I was. When I told him I didn't think it was going to work out, he sends more monologues about how I had misjudged him and that I should give him another chance. Umm what? If he was that much of an emotional roller coaster after one date, I didn't see a successful relationship ahead.

In retrospect, I still stand firm in my belief that I did nothing technically wrong. It was just a crazy unfortunate happenstance that I couldn't have planned if I tried. Regardless, I learned my lesson. And in case you're wondering, neither of the guys worked out, so it was all totally worth it.

Moral of the story, if you plan two separate dates right in a row, go somewhere far away.