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Languages of Love

How I Would Rank Them

How can I show and receive love better?


Languages of Love

There are five specific languages of love, five being my lucky number, so I thought I would share how I would rank them. I am not just talking about sexual love, but the love we show to everyone, including our family and friends and people we meet.

Some of us tend to be stronger in certain languages, and some of us tend to enjoy ones more than others, but all of them are important to receive and to give. In order to love someone else, we first must love ourselves and who we are as a person. If you can’t first love yourself, you will never be able to truly show love to anyone. So, as I discuss the five languages of love, make sure you are showing yourself the same languages. I will put them in the order that I feel are most important to me down to the least important, but I'm not forgetting that all are vital to show realistic love to yourself and to everyone.

1. Affection

Now I know it’s hard to show yourself affection (I would love to talk about masturbation here, but that is a whole other article). Genuinely taking care of yourself is showing yourself affection, though. Eating right, getting enough sleep, exercising, and practicing good personal hygiene are all ways of demonstrating affection for oneself.

I list this as my number one way to receive love and to show love because it is my number-one love language. I cherish affection from anyone; a simple hug or touch from any person brings me so much joy. I also enjoy giving the affection and simply being in close proximity with any humans. This is a difficult thing for some people. Some people don’t like to be touched and feel much better if people just kept their distance, so I can be quite intimidating to some.

If I am in a sexual relationship, I simply can’t be around that person without showing my love through physical contact, even if it is just finger to finger. Physical contact with a sexual partner, even the slightest of touches similar to certain forms of Kamasutra, which I truly enjoy, can send electricity running through my body.

I have explored the art of Kamasutra when I was married to a man and not yet out of the closet. Trying to find ways to make the sex better when, little did I know, it was sex with a woman that I desired. But neither here or there, Kamasutra opened my eyes to how powerful the slightest touches can be in the right situations.

Kama is the god of love in Hindu mythology. The Kamasutra is an ancient Hindu text on erotic pleasure and how the mind can stimulate the body and create amazing sexual pleasure way beyond the norm. If your number-one love language is affection, I highly suggest you look into Kamasutra to improve your love life and increase your sexual pleasures. My study and practice of the Kamasutra has led me to the ability to be able to have an orgasm without touching myself in the right atmosphere. Don’t worry, I am not walking around having orgasms. I could probably write a whole piece on this art, but for this article we are talking about the languages of love.

My number one language of love is affection in all forms and hopefully, I am not scaring my family and friends away from being close to me.

2. Time

The second language of love is time. We first need to be able to spend time with ourselves and enjoy our alone time. I wrote a poem about being alone and spending time with yourself. I have a friend who is a mother, a friend to many, a girlfriend to a man, a bartender, and a caretaker for an older person. All of these roles in her life always put her around other people, and I asked her one time, “Do you ever make time just for yourself?”

Are you a person who is always around other people? Can you be alone and be comfortable with just yourself? If not, you need to ask yourself why when you are alone in your own thoughts, feelings, desires and satisfied with the decisions you have made in life, accepting of the desires you strive to obtain, the consequences of your own actions, and who you are as a person.

Most of the time we are the biggest critics of ourselves, and we just need to find ways to forgive ourselves. Being content in your own skin is vitally important to be alone with yourself and to be able to give others your time. In order to exhibit this love language of time and to receive it properly, you need to be able to display it to yourself first.

You can’t truly love anyone without giving your time, even if it is a phone call or a text or simply just laying around doing nothing, time is an extremely important love language, therefore second on my list. Time is money in this life, so pay yourself and pay others. By giving yourself time and sharing with others your time, you are showing love and appreciation for who you are and for what others are in your life.

3. Service

The third language of love is service and of course we need to do things for ourselves first, which most don’t have a problem with. With service, I am not just talking about pleasing a person sexually or servicing them in ways that bring you joy. Sometimes giving service to someone can be unpleasant, but that is a true display of love. It’s going out of your way to make them happy without any gain for yourself. This is not a quid pro quo as many people tend to confuse. “Well, if I do this for this person, maybe I will get something in return.” It is making sacrifices for a person and knowing that there will be nothing that you get in return.

This is probably one of the strongest languages that a mother shows to her child. Whether you had the worst mother in the world, every mother made a sacrifice to have you. To display this particular love language, we need to be asking, “How can I help, what can I do, how can I make your life easier?”

Doing things for people and not expecting things in return is a powerful way to show love to anyone. When you start expecting things in return for your deeds and don’t get them, you build unwanted resentments and only hurt yourself, and it is not true love. Try to realize and decide why you do things for people and don’t ever stop servicing yourself in the process.

4. Gifts

One of my favorites, but not as important to me as the previous three, so it gets ranked fourth on the list. Again, we need to love ourselves first, so give yourself gifts. This has never been a problem for me. I am always treating myself to the things I enjoy, but I do truly enjoy giving to others more.

The energy of an unexpected gift at an unexpected time can create an abundance of euphoria in anyone. There are birthdays and holidays that people are expecting gifts, which is not this love language. The unexpected time to give gifts is when to correctly show this language—the look on people's faces, the surprise when it happens, even if it has no monetary value. What is the old saying? “It’s the thought that counts.” Some people tend to go a little overboard with this display of love, and it leads to the person not being appreciative of your love, so be cautious in how you shower this form of love.

5. Praise

“You look great today, you are awesome, you are smart, you are amazing, you light up my life, where would I be without you, you can do it, you can do anything, you are the best, you do this really well, you are beautiful!”—doesn’t it feel good to hear these praises? Well it is one of the languages to show your love to someone and one of the easiest to give since all it takes is words.

It is last on my list because I feel like I am always giving myself praise, and I don’t always need praise from others, but, like I said, all of the languages are important to give and receive abundant love.

If you’re not giving praise to the ones that you love, do more of it, including praising to yourself. “Damn, I look good today. Yeah, I would definitely have sex with myself!” Most people don’t have problems praising themselves, but I bet most don’t praise others enough.

We should always be trying to build each other up, give praise, even the smallest amount for things people do and for who they are. It goes a long way in showing your love for them. I love the, “Thanks for just being who you are!” praise, always brings a smile.

Compliments and praises are the easiest to give and one of the most wonderful things to receive. My best compliment ever was from one of my aunts. I know I have a lot of aunts, and, hopefully, she will read this and remember giving this praise. I will never forget this compliment and praise, and I get a lot of them because I am so awesome (I know I love myself too much probably), but she said, “Tonya, with your personality and charisma, you could make friends just by breathing!”

What is the best praise or compliment you ever had given to you? I bet you can remember it, and it made you smile, and it had an impact on the way you carried yourself from that point in life and on. We never actually know how much praise can affect people, but that doesn’t mean we stop giving it to them.

So, the five languages of love are affection, time, service, gifts, and praise, ranked in the importance to me. How would you rank yours? Find out how the people you love would rank theirs? If you know the important ones to them, it will be easier for you to display their languages and faithfully love them using the languages. Like I said before, all are important and all of them should rear their head in most relationships—big and small, sexual or platonic, and, if not, you don’t sincerely love the person and vice versa.

I hope this helps you to genuinely love yourself better as a person and be able to show others the same love and, ultimately, love and receive love with an open heart. We all know those people that have a hard time loving themselves and in turn can’t truly love others or accept someone’s love fruitfully. I hope this article can change that, and everyone can shower and experience proper love to live a prosperous joyful life. You are awesome for reading this. Thank you. I love you! 

Read next: Divorce!
Tonya Armenakis
Tonya Armenakis

I am an early retired teacher now writing and performing on stage doing stand up comedy, performance poetry, hosting trivia and murder mysteries and performing sketch comedy as much as possible.  I hope you enjoy my writing.

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