Learn to Self-Love and Pass It On

Society has carved out what it thinks people should look like, if you do not fit this image then you are deemed to be unflattering to the eye. Body shaming, ladies and gentlemen is, still alive and kicking.

Growing up Somali surrounded me with relatives that have no filter, I am sure other cultures can relate to this. There is always that aunty or uncle who reminds you that you are imperfect, these are the adults that supposed to encourage us to be our authentic selves. I have been told I am too fat by a number of fat aunties, I have been told to bleach my skin because my complexion was not attractive. Some aunties go as far as buying me lightening creams which I throw away because I am lucky enough to have parents who compliment my complexion. Even with their compliments it still took me a number of years to love myself, I always thought that my parents would tell me what I wanted to hear and everyone else was telling me the truth.

My weight was also something I have struggled with for many years, it is not only skinny people who have eating disorders. Although I was never in a crazy place I did skip plenty meals and lied when I was asked if I ate, I was punishing my body for looking like that. I hated my physical appearance so much that I hated the thought of dressing up to go outside because nothing fit me the way I wanted it too. I hated shopping because there was nothing that fit me properly and I hated looking at myself in the mirror because I was reminded how ugly I looked.

Twenty was a defining age for me, it was the year I stopped caring what others thought and started living my life for myself. I started to finally feel free, it is not a feeling you can describe when you used to feel like you were suffocating.

Fast forward six years and I am in such a great place thank Allah. I write about my struggles and am not afraid to share them with the world. There are many layers to self-love and it is hard work but the end result is something rewarding and healthy.

Self-love needs to starts at a younger age, children pick up more than we think especially with the constant use of technology. Scrolling through Instagram late at night I see young girls putting on makeup and adults liking the videos, what type of message are we sending these young girls. I have heard relatives of mine as young as ten years old saying they are on a diet and need to lose weight. This society's concept of what it is to be beautiful made me miserable growing up and we are now allowing it to take over the minds of young girls. At least back then I did not have to deal with all these social media platforms but the sad reality is that many of our young girls are on social media and hating themselves and comparing themselves to others they think are beautiful.

I have a daughter myself and I would never want her to think she needs to look a certain way to be considered beautiful. No matter her shape, complexion or texture of her hair I want her to be confident in her own skin. The way you view yourself is based on how you define beauty. Self-love does not just grow out of nothing, it is watered with love, compassion and encouragement.

We need to start the dialogue early and the conversations need to be public.