Leaving Forever (Pt. 1)

Once you’re in a relationship, you feel so happy. You feel like no one else in this world can give you happiness. You’re wrong. Anyone in this world can make you happy. Your friend, your best friend, your loved one, or even your family, but sometimes love is hard. Whenever you’re in a relationship, you're going to have ups and downs, but try to fix them and try to make it feel better before something else happens like a breakup. Breakups are not easy at all. Some people are just laying in bed crying alone for hours and hours. Some people eat ice cream all day long and they feel a little better or even watch their favorite show. And there’s people that don’t care about the person, and you move on and find someone else. I tried loving you and I did. It seemed that everything was perfect, but something was missing and I knew what it was. I didn’t love myself, and that was not good in a relationship because you’re supposed to love yourself first and then your loved one. I didn’t do that. I just needed someone to be there for me, to give me comfort, and the only person that can do that is yourself. I just stood up there, quiet, listening to you. Listening to your voice saying that you love me, that you want me to be there for you forever. But I didn’t listen.

Once we broke up, I didn’t cry. I didn’t hesitate at all. I just simply did it. So I simply broke up with you. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and if I did, I’m sorry, but look everything happens for a reason. Am I right? I broke up with you because you deserved better. I knew from the start that I wasn't good enough for you. I didn’t want you to go out with a depressed girl with anxiety attacks, panic attacks, depression, and you didn’t deserve that. You deserved more. I wanted you to be happy. To have a smile on your face and to be laughing. When I was with you I was shouting with excitement, but only one side of me and the other side was depressed because I knew from the start that it wouldn’t work out. I was right. Also, I would go back to all the times you hurt me, and I didn’t want that in a relationship. You eventually hurt me—a few times, maybe three times—and I couldn’t keep going, so I just ended it with you.

Now that a few weeks have passed, I see you at school and you have a smile on your face. You’re with your friends laughing, giggling, and doing weird things, and that’s good because that’s what I want to see from you. I want to see that from you everyday. Not once, nor twice, but everyday. Whenever I see you passing by the hallway, you don’t say hi to me anymore; not even a smile. You just look away and start walking faster, and it’s okay with me. What I want to say to you is that I hope you find that perfect girl for you. Also, don’t ever stop loving because that’s a wrong choice right there. You’re always going to love someone, no matter what happens, and whenever you have that love feeling inside of you, keep her because she is a keeper. I’m thankful for everything you’ve done for me and now it’s my time to move on. It’s not gonna be easy for me, but I’ll try.