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Let Me Keep Explain
November 5, 2018
I was so ready to give up, until this morning when I woke up and realized that I’d never been in this stage in my life before(meaning out of the many lessons I’ve learned in my life, I can’t think of a time that is similar to this one in any aspect). I guess that means I’m moving forward so why not see what God has in store. I mean I’ve come this far right?......
A few years ago I would’ve never imagined that I would experience the surplus amount of trials and tribulations that I’ve encountered.
New York has truly opened my eyes in ways I never would’ve imagined, but in order for you to understand I need to go back before my transition to when I left home for the 1st time back in 2011.
I’m waiting on the train so I can get to work so idk how far we are gonna get but I’m gonna tell you as much as I can before I make it to work
So at this point I was really dealing with a lot. I was struggling with who I was and accepting myself for who I felt I needed to become. On top of that, I was dealing with drama at my home church, my family, always butting heads, the many issues with my friends, and pressures from everyone to stay at a college where I felt like I was being judged by people who were supposed to be helping me get closer to God.
So sense I was like 6 I knew I was a girl.
(I know I know a lot of people won’t understand so I’ll do my best to be very detailed)
I used to make it my business to sir when I used the bathroom because I didn’t like standing up. I felt right siting and making sure I wiped after and all.
** forgot to mention that I was finna be completely transparent**
Anywho, I would always walk around as if I had this beautiful long hair and was dressed to impress and out do lol.
Looking back now I was a pretty lil thang so I knew the girl in my head was gorgeous! As I grew older so did the girl in my head.
She a really pretty young lady with long luscious black hair, hazel green eyes, a beautiful pearly white smile, cute little dimples, and pretty pink full heart shaped lips. Her name was Paris which was an acronym for Pretty And Rare In Species. She walked with a vengeance, held her head high, carried herself as a lady, and made sure she always looked camera ready, even when she didn’t wear makeup.
She had an alter ego, just like Beyoncé did, who’s name was Camari. That bitch was the pettiest lady on earth. She was fierce! Always had her face beat, and was always on point but she wasn’t the one you crossed because that mouth!!!! Baaaaabbbeeee !!!!!!
Anywho, I attended Union Hill Missionary Baptist Church. We had a congregation that was basically like a family. The choirs were some of the best in the entire county and were always full of energy, fun, but more than anything drama. The musicians could not be touched because we had this type of vibe that made our already beautiful music sound heavenly.(Yes I’m gassin it because we really used to cut up).
So to get right to it, this was around the time when I was dealing with a lot of backlash from me having my nails done and wearing makeup to church as a musician. It’s went so far as there being a group of the musicians planned a meeting with the pastor to address me and how I was a distraction to the church because of how I chose to look. Again this is before my transition so I was looking like a very pretty preppy young man. I wasn’t extremely flamboyant or nothing I just took pride in being pretty(because the girl in my head was always on point).
** I’m about to walk into work so I’ll come back on my break**