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Let's Set Fire to Tonight

But not for the warmth. And know that it will be smoke and ash by morning.

By Katie DPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Courtesy of Tumblr

Use your mouth to pry my own open and kiss me senseless—not to whisper sweetness into my ear. Use your fingers to venture into regions that daylight never sees—not to hover over my heart to feel my pulse. And keep your eyes closed unless they're alive with only passion. Don't use them to stare deep into mine, trying to make sense of the madness you'll find there.

If you feel anything in your body other than pure, primal instinct tonight, throw it away or turn around right now. If you're wearing your heart on your sleeve tonight, stuff it back into your pocket or walk away. If you wish to find my body curled into yours in the morning, hide your desire or go search elsewhere.

Please, don't think of me as anything other than a night of thoughtless passion. Don't taint the moment with softness and sentiments. Treat me with hot, heavy hands—not delicate caresses. Don't expect to add another chapter to our story in the morning; your part in my book begins and ends tonight. Above all, please don't give me your heart. Your soft, wide-open heart.

I won't know what to do with it.

Tonight, I speak in only short gasps and low moans. I will not entertain conversations of words—especially ones of secrets and personal desires. Tonight, you will watch me come alive as you set me on fire with your touch. Do not mistake this moment for one that will last into the morning. By then, the fire will be mere ashes, and I will be long gone.

When you wake in the morning and find nothing but crumpled sheets on my side of the bed, I hope you feel nothing but bliss. I hope you don't find a void in your chest from me. I hope the bed doesn't feel any colder to you. I hope you don't imagine my body cocooned in the sheets beside you and wish it was real. I hope you recall our single, fiery night with a smile on your face—and not the wistful kind. I hope your eyes dance with remembrance when someone mentions my name to you. I hope that the wave of nostalgia that will wash over you will be warm and fleeting and won't leave you cold and empty all over again.

Because I am familiar with all of these things. I have felt them all. I have laid with men I knew I wouldn't find beside me in the morning. Some didn't even bother to keep up the charade, leaving as soon as they'd had their fill and zipped up their pants. I knew what the outcome would be the minute I gazed into their eyes and found nothing.

Yet, I still held hope, handing them my heart as I let them strip me bare all the way down to my bone. And, when morning came, I would find my heart among last night's wrinkled sheets, even more bruised and cracked than before. I did this many times over until my heart was so weak it wrapped itself around my knees and pleaded with me: No more. I can't take it.

I know all too well what that cold emptiness feels like. Countless times, I've drowned in a sea of abandoned sheets, trying to speak him into existence by whispering his name over and over again. So now, I feel a pang of regret every time I hear the name of someone who took a hammer to my heart or simply brushed it aside. I'm taken back to more naive times when I stumbled from body to body, trying to find some trace of a soul.

Now, I've learned to use people as they've used me. I want you for the fire you'll ignite on my skin, but it's just that: skin-deep. I long to feel the intensity—not the warmth—of your flames. Moments like these are the only times I truly come to life and feel some semblance of anything.

So, just for tonight, we are lovers in the most basic sense. Do not misconstrue the desire on my face for an outcry from my soul. I only want our skin to become acquainted and nothing more.

Ignite the fire between us with the passion I see in your eyes. Then, throw me straight into the flames without hesitation. I want to absorb and revel in the intensity of the fire before it goes out. I do not want to bask in its warmth or watch its soft glow as you draw me into your side. I want no thinking, no speaking—only touching.

Don't make me a fire if you want to give me warmth. I don't want it. I refuse to leave another body to grieve my absence as I was left. I want to leave you whole and warm just as I found you.

I will never again wait by a fire only to watch it turn to gray, smoky ash. So, don't think tonight: toss me into the flames. Let my ears hear only pants and groans. Not sweetness. Use your tongue and fingers as your instinct tells you to. Not your heart.

And when morning comes, I will be gone. So make this moment count, for I will be gone before the sign of the first ember. Make this little moment of our separate lives worthwhile because, I guarantee you, I won't be around to give it back.

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About the Creator

Katie D

20 years old. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings, so I write them away

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