Let the One Be Your Choice

For as long as I could remember, I've always been told when you meet the one you'll know. However, at the end of the day, I believe we choose who we want our one to be.

The first one I was in I got into when I was about 17 years old, let's call it the high school sweetheart. Now, I have to be honest, even though we were together for four and a half years, I never thought he was the one. The thought I always had was "We've been together this long, we will more than likely end up married." It wasn't really a want or desire. Just simply an expectation. I was completely content or at least thought I was completely content.

The second relationship shockingly really wasn't long at all, about six months. However, I feel it was more intense than my first relationship. We moved rather fast. Within a month we were living together, at the time I thought I was extremely happy. Coming from such a bad relationship to this one was refreshing, this guy was amazing, sweet, loving, and respectful. That could have been why I grasped onto it so tightly because I was so used to be treated badly from before that in my mind it was my end all be all, that I'd never get another chance at happiness. It was never again a feeling of the one, more of the feeling of I really wanted him to be because of how he was with me, I also think everyone knowingly or subconsciously look for a fairy tale relationship. However, shortly after that, I was shown that this relationship was simply a lie.

Finally, the third one. This relationship was about four years long, and the one I learned the most in. I've grown more in this relationship and learned core elements about myself from this. I got into this relationship at twenty-three years old, the person I was dating was also three years younger than me which I'm sure made a difference in the problems in our relationship, etc. With that being said, if I had to say I had any feelings about someone being the one, this was it. There was a lot of good and bad in this relationship, and out of everyone I dated, this was the first person I dated that didn't last that I wouldn't take back meeting them for a second. Although, everyone in my life (family & friends) would call me crazy for that. However, the feelings I had about this relationship and the constant feeling of this person is the one that I'm meant to be with made it so everything that was bad was overlooked. I didn't have a thought of, 'Well, we've been together it might as well just end in marriage,' or I wasn't coming from a person who mistreated me so I wasn't craving a relationship to where someone was just good to me. Dating this guy gave me so many new emotions, to where he made believe in love at first sight. The moment I laid my eyes on him, the moment our eyes locked, I felt a certain kind of pull he always told me that he fell in love the moment he saw me, I would always tell him this was impossible, I should have told him I felt it too but I guess at the time, not admitting was because I was afraid of loving someone more than they loved me again. This guy literally was the definition of the light of my life. I could feel my entire being light up with him around, his smile, his presence, everything made the fiber of my being react. I went above and beyond, even bent back more than I ever thought I could or would for someone. This was the first person I ever truly fantasized about spending the rest of my life with. I wanted nothing more than this even to the point I probably would have willingly given up my soul if that meant him being happy or if it meant us being happy together. This guy gave me something the others couldn't and that was the comfort of knowing it's okay to not hide your inner child, that that is exactly what's wrong with the adults nowadays; they think it's wrong to be young at heart, were taught after a certain age that we have to give up certain things because we're too old. This guy taught me how to let go of that and be the person I am truly at heart, which, to be honest, is still a little hard because I feel myself fight to not be so serious all the time. This was the first person I told EVERYTHING to and when I say everything I mean everything, the dirty morbid thoughts we all have that are sometimes even too morbid for us. I told him all these thoughts and there were never any judgments. Even with all those feelings, all that fighting, all that desire, we ended. There are a lot of reasons as to why the relationship ended. But I think the core main reason is truly we wanted different things. I was happy having a simple life, with a simple house, and a simple family. He was enough in the world for me to experience. Naturally, I wanted to travel and explore WITH him but I think at the end of the day that simple life really wasn't for him. He always wanted more from life, in my opinion, I wasn't enough or I didn't give him enough adventure or excitement that he felt he needed to constantly look for ways to express himself. In a way, he could have looked at me as holding him back from the world, I really don't know. But at the end of the day, he wanted more. Letting him go was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I miss him every day, this person was also my best friend too. But because I believe the one is a choice. I made the choice for him to NOT be the one. Why? Because even as much as I loved him, as much as I probably still do love him, I know at the end of the day we'd never be able to give each other what we want. I loved him enough and more than I thought I could love someone to let him go. As selfish as I wanted to be and keep him, we'd always at the end of the day probably not be happy. I think it was those strong feelings and pull that really kept us both together. There were points where we both couldn't explain what we both described as a natural pull. Even to this day we don't speak, which is sad, but we don't speak because we both know we can't, it's painful and it's a pain that doesn't seem to ease up no matter how much time apart we do spend.

I am in a new relationship with someone who treats me very well. We get along famously, we complement each other very well. I can't write much about it because it's only been about five months now. But in those five months, we've learned a lot about each other as well. Now the feelings, in the beginning, weren't nearly as close as to what they were with my ex. Getting past the feelings and giving this guy a chance gave me the chance to be genuinely happy and to see what a successful functioning relationship should be. I never doubted how my ex-felt, I just always felt his feelings were more circumstantial and I always felt I loved him a lot more than he loved me. In this relationship, I can genuinely feel the love this guy feels towards me. There weren't any doubts about his feelings. That, in itself, is refreshing. But at the end of the day, it's a constant choice of choosing him to be the one.

People spend so much time worrying about the one. At the end of the day, I truly think it is a choice of who we want that person to be.