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The complexities of romantic relationships are best understood by those who speak little of them. And those who do not (or can not) speak, write. This is a compilation of letters by a helpless romantic looking for recognition from fellow helpless romantics.
I was once told, “It just makes sense to love you.” My simple teenage mind could not grasp the importance of that statement then. I assumed it was the equivalent of every other cliché line you told your significant other like, “How could I not love you?” I understand now that it meant a lot more than that. Think about it… we live in a world of uncertainty. A world where things rarely make complete sense, so when your body and mind are synchronized towards something, or someone, why deny it? Why resist? Love is often described as a habit—an involuntary reflex at times. Loving you makes as much sense to me as breathing. I know you won’t understand this now, but one day you will. Maybe the realization will come when you start to love yourself or when you’ve fallen in love with someone else. Either way, I hope you understand and feel the same security and closure I’ve felt while loving you. So, for the next hundred times you ask why I love you—it just makes sense.
Someone who loves you
When leaving, we didn’t say much to each other. We just stood there and silently gazed at one another as if we were trying to memorize every detail of the others face. We had finished saying "I’ll miss you" a thousand times and made promises to see each other again. Then there was silence. A deafening silence that seemed to last forever as we just looked at one another. It was more intimate than any touch. There was so much I wanted to say but I couldn’t come up with the words—I couldn’t speak. My body couldn’t keep up with my emotions and the tears rolled down my face one after the other. “Don’t show me your tears,” you said in a chilling, detached voice. My tears dried on my face soon after. Looking at you in person for the last time, a mere glass wall separating us, I knew that I couldn’t say anything that would ease the pain of this moment. I couldn’t say a word but I prayed to any god listening to allow you to read my thoughts then. I just wanted—needed you to understand…
আমি দেশ ছেড়ে যাচ্ছি,তোকে না
মন রেখে গেলাম তোর কাছে
য্ত্ন করে রাখিস
হারিয়ে যেতে দিস না
I still wonder, my final thoughts, did you hear them?
Someone who still loves you
When will you understand that I’m not asking you to love me back? It would be nice if you felt even a fraction of what I felt for you, but I know you can’t give me that right now and that’s okay. I don’t need you to force yourself to comprehend these feelings I have. I barely understand them myself. What I need is for you to acknowledge that they’re there. You can’t brush them off as if they don’t matter—as if they don’t exist. They don’t disappear when you change the subject or when you drop the conversation altogether. Giving me the cold shoulder doesn’t make them go away either. Do you realize how hurtful that is? Do my feelings mean nothing? Is it valued so little that it's not only rejected but ignored? This feigned indifference is so much more painful than rejection.
Someone who just wants to love you
Sometimes I just don’t want to understand. Understanding, to an extent, also means accepting. And accepting something that goes against all that you believe is a scary thing. I think a part of me has already understood everything you’re trying to tell me—everything you’re warning me about. That’s the part of me I keep locked away because, if she gets out, I’ll sink. I’ll give up on us, yes, but I’ll also give up on the whole constitution of living a life worth living. Physically, my life will continue. I will continue to breathe and do what’s expected of me as a family member, as a friend, as a human. However, slowly but surely, I will keep sinking. The scariest part? I might take you with me. If I do that, I won’t just be disappointed with myself—I’ll loathe my existence to no end. That being said, I hope you understand why I often say, “I don’t want to understand.”
Someone who can’t stop loving you
I lied. I'm not fine. I wanted to pretend for a second that I was because I wanted to forget about my troubles for a moment. And you know what? I did. Just for a moment. I was indulging in myself. Letting myself drown in thoughts of you. Thoughts—memories that made me happy. Memories of warm touches and soft kisses and longing stares. I lay awake at night reliving these memories, even if just for a moment—before reality comes crashing down on me. You're not here... you can't be... you don't want to be. It's an epiphany I have ever so often and, just for a moment, I stop resisting and just let the sadness engulf me. Then, daylight breaks and "I'm fine" again.
Someone who will keep loving you
You would rather lose me and blame yourself for the rest of your life rather than consider, even for a second, that we could have a future together. Why? Are you scared? I wouldn't hold it against you if you were. I am too. I’ve been scared since day one. That didn’t stop me from wanting to be with you. I thought, regardless of everything we disagreed on, one thing was definitely clear: we wanted to be in each other’s lives for as long as possible. Do you still want that? Did you ever want that? Just tell me what you want, not what you shouldn’t or can’t want. I’m scared of the answer but, unlike you, I want to face my fears head on. You might not be ready to face your fears, and that’s okay, but I am. So tell me.
Someone who is stupidly still in love with you
Thank you for letting me in. Thank you for giving me the chance to try to understand you, to care for you, to worry about you. It meant a lot to me that you, a usually reclusive and mysterious person, gave me the chance to listen to anything and everything that was on your mind. In the short span of time that we've known each other, you've opened up to me in almost an intimate way and I couldn't be happier that you did. Thank you... but—it’s become more and more evident these days that it would've been better if I weren’t around—around you, specifically. My existence in your life has seemed to add to your endless troubles. I know you know that I never intended to be a burden on you, but you can't deny that I am one. It's okay… you can admit it. You never said it in so many words but I was aware of the stress I added to your daily life. I stuck around for my own selfish reasons and for that, I apologize. I can't take back what I've done and I definitely can't change how I feel, so the only thing I'm capable of doing, more or less, is to leave. It won't undo anything but you'll have one less burden on your shoulder to bear. Thank you for the happy memories and I’m sorry for the bad ones.
Someone who hates saying goodbye