Letters to the Me I Used to Be

Dear Me in 1984,

I want you to know I am here and I love you. I am from the future and time travel is real but it is not what you might expect it to be, it is not like you see it in the movies. Each person has the ability to travel forward or backward in time and to even make time stand still. Sadly, although most people can travel through time, most either don’t know they can or they don’t think to do it. That’s why it has taken me so long to come back to you – I didn’t realise until now that I could.

Some of what I am here to tell you will seem ridiculous to you and some of it you already know inside your soul somewhere. You will want to believe that I am a figment of your imagination and I don’t blame you, coz I once thought just like you do. I want you to know that I would not blame you or shame you for that, in fact, I would be really stunned if you did just accept me and everything I am going to tell you. I want to give you hope coz I know you’re running out of that and I know you’re gunna need more to get you through. I know coz I came through it too.

I want to tell you that God is real, June! He is just what you have been imagining him to be all along. He is loving and kind and good and He truly loves you exactly as you are! He wants you to know Him and turn to Him and He treasures you as a precious gift. God knows the torment you have suffered. He knows your heart and your mind and He knows your doubt in Him. He also knows your strength and your faith and He is so very proud of you. He has had to watch as you grew and as you suffered and all He could do was hold you through it all so that you would make it this far. He will always hold you and always be there for you, just as you have dreamed He would. You once trusted that as fact and I want you to know you were right to believe!

Oh June, the joys that I have seen, the love that I have shared. And guess what, you are right about your kids too! You will have 2 - a boy first and then a girl - and they are amazing people! They have your kindness and your eyes and they have inherited your precious heart. They are strong and tender and they adore you! Oh June, they are so wonderful! You make a really great mother and although you will all know sadness at some point, the most important thing is the love you all share and it is that love that sees you all through some of life’s most difficult times. You will go through a time where you will feel great pain and it is the love you have with your kids that will get you through the worst of it. I want to tell you how proud I am of the enormity of your love. I have only ever met a few people who put so much energy in being in love. It is such a rare and special purpose and you have such a capacity for it. That is one of the reasons why life feels like it hurts so much so far, but please don’t stop loving to end the pain coz it turns out that the pain is what opens up our hearts to such a huge capacity to feel love and without the pain, we may never get that chance. So please try and hold on through it all and trust that there is a great love awaiting you.

You are going to make a few mistakes over the years as you search for that love but you will find it (or perhaps it will find you) but when it happens you will have a moment when you suddenly understand what all the rest was about and you will be very afraid, but you will risk it all anyway coz you will know in your heart of hearts that this is the love that you have been searching for. This will be the love that carries you through the healing and into the arms of God. This love that you have for your kids and your life partner will open up your heart and soul and prepare you for the heaven you have dreamed of for so long but June, you must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God.

Your love of music is another thing that will ease your journey. You will soon be able to recognise that music is food for your soul and can help you feel alive. For you, music can take you into the core of your being and lift up your feelings to the cold light of day where they can be experienced and healed. I am sorry that I can’t just bring you with me to the future where love is everywhere and mistakes are forgiven but I know that to do that will actually cause you pain and torment and so I promise to wait patiently as you grow and come to find me here.

There is so much I want to share with you, June. I love you so much and I am so proud of the woman you are becoming. I understand you and I can help you to understand yourself too. In a few years, people are going to believe your story and ask you to tell it. They will applaud you for having the strength that you have and they will welcome you into their hearts. They will give you the opportunity to sing to a crowd and June, when you sing, the audience cries with joy coz they feel the feelings you feel as you sing! You have an amazing ability to reach people. I know that right now, you have buried your dream of ever singing like that but you will uncover it again and that excavation will be painful. You will go through many emotions as you dig and you will even write your own songs at one point but it is the purity of emotion that will make you shine, so don’t let that die in you for goodness sake!

You know how boring you think computers are? They are here to stay and you will one day learn how to build them and enjoy the challenge! Seriously, I know it seems crazy right now but in 2012, you have a portable computer and a hand-held one that doubles as a telephone! Insane you say? No, June, it is very real and very exciting here in the future. Houses cost about a quarter of a million dollars and cars cost over $10,000! It costs a lot to live and people are pretty hooked on having ‘things’ to fill their lives but many have forgotten how to live and love and they are sad and ill because of that but things are changing and they are looking better. There are still wars, and terrorism causes much tragedy in the first few years of the 21st century but it seems to be waking people up and bringing them together - large-scale tragedy does that.

June, I need to tell you that you are about to escape the hell-hole and you will be so excited and so sure that nothing can ever go wrong again but your joy will be short-lived and all it will give you is a taste of freedom which is going to be just enough. I’m sorry to have to tell you that your best friend will not still be here in 2012 but she will always be with you. Nanna and Granddad are gone too, but you still have many years with them yet and they are so proud of you! They love you more than you can accept yet but it won’t be long before you work it out. And June, please don’t ever write anybody off completely. I know you are really angry at some people you care about right now and I understand your anger toward them. I need to tell you that they did not mean to do what they did and some of them are genuinely sorry but they don’t know how to make it right with you and your hostility is pushing them away. I am not telling you to not feel angry, I just hope that you can remember that every life is valuable and precious and that every person is suffering something and when people suffer, they forget that anyone else is suffering too, and they sometimes hurt others in their pain – But June, science has proven in the 21st century that only hurting people hurt people. I know that you have hurt people yourself and one day you will face the hell of that and hate yourself more than ever for it but you will also heal from it and help others to heal because of it so please don’t lose hope when that happens and remember that I know what you have done – I know everything about you and I love you even more than I thought it was possible to love anyone.

I know you’re really angry and you’re feeling hurt by your mum and dad right now and you will really struggle with that for a while. You’re missing your dad and he is coming back into your life soon coz he misses you too, but he is not meant to be as close to you as you have dreamed – so try to enjoy the time you get with him coz he is not capable of more and even though he loves you dearly, his own pain has made it almost impossible for him to show it to you. Your mum loves you too and I know you don’t wanna hear that but I have to tell you. Your mum will be a part of your life for a long time and she will be hard to take at times, but there are things you don’t know yet that will help you with that later on. You will come to a point where you will want her around and want her to talk to and you will only have to pick up the phone for that to happen. Your sister will be in and out of your life too and you will reconnect with her on a very different level one day so please, try to be patient with her coz she’s hurting too and she really is amazing.

I have to go now but I will come back again soon. I love you. xx

Namaste and blessings. Alhamdulillah. hoʻoleʻa akua. Jay Bhagavan. moladh Dia. Kami o sanbi suru. whakamoemiti atua. muji allah. lạy Chúa. papuri god. Amen. lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu.

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