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Letting Go

...And Accepting the Past.

By Amanda AntePublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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My Diary

As always, here I am sitting in bed watching my little blinking cursor taunt me, knowing I have so much to write about, but cannot find the right words to express how I truly feel. There are so many different topics I want to write about, but for now I really want to focus on something that I recently learned about myself…and maybe it may help you too.

Growing up, I always kept a diary…or a journal, whatever you may call it. I don’t remember a time in my life where I never had one on me. I wrote in it constantly, at home, at school, on road trips, etc. I have roughly six random diaries filled with thoughts ranging from funny and childish to in love and sad. It is worn out, dented, beaten, and torn…with tears of joy and tears of heartbreak staining the pages as a diary of eight years should be. This little book holds the secrets and stories of a young, innocent girl to the feelings and experiences of a 19-year-old.

It’s so fascinating, watching myself grow up and how my thinking process changes, it’s almost like reading a book about my life. Anyways, yesterday night, I was up all night overthinking about everything, every little single detail about how these past few years of my life have been. I didn’t feel up to writing a blog, so I decided to pull out my diary. That’s when I realized I haven’t written in it since 2014. I started this diary back in 2009 when I received it as a gift and to this day I still believe it is the most beautiful and precious diary.

The life lesson I learned last night was about finally letting go and accepting the past. I learned a lot about myself while reading the words on the pages of my preciously beaten diary. I hold grudges and mostly, I don’t know how to stop living in the past. Reading my own words, I realized I allowed myself to be beaten, bruised, hurt, and rejected… I wish I could have told that poor innocent child that she would be okay as time passes, maybe she wouldn’t have been in certain positions growing up. But later is when it really hit me. What I learned is really important to me, I was able to let myself know and understand that those stories I shared for my future self can only benefit me now. God puts certain people in your life when you least expect it, even if they are only in your life temporarily. Each person, each event, each story, each day, each hour, each minute are life lessons that can only help you grow stronger and learn from your past mistakes. Stop asking yourself “what if” this happened, or “what if” this didn’t happen and start asking yourself what can you do NOW. Stop living in the past and stop living in the future…start living in the NOW, because life is too short to be wasting time and breath on events you cannot change and events you cannot predict. I’m aware I don’t have all the wisdom and answers and that even some of my future entries (even tonight's entry) may eventually teach me lessons down the road, but for now I have to live with what I have. I guess I should also learn to be happier, because, although I’ve experienced my fair share of pain and suffering, I should feel blessed with everything I have in life. I know it's hard for the good to outweigh the bad sometimes, but maybe focusing on the laughs and smiles, I could be that young girl full of life and innocence writing about simplicity in life instead of heartbreak and drama.

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About the Creator

Amanda Ante

"To write means more than putting pretty words on a page; The act of writing is to share a part of your soul with the world."

amandaante.wordpress.com

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