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Living Through Hell Chapter 2

My Life with an Abuser, Chapter 2

Fast forward a few months later. Things seemed to be going pretty good. John had gotten a place of his own. Well kind of. He had a roommate. That is beside the point. I was living just down the road form where he lived. I was sleeping there more and spending a bit more time with him. You think I would have noticed the drinking increasing. I knew about the weed smoking, but not the other drugs. 

It was November and it was the month his company held the annual Christmas party. He was all excited for me to go with him as he said he wanted to show me off. There was a 13-year age gape. He said his friends at work didn't believe he had a younger girlfriend. I got all dressed up in this sparkling top and black skirt and flats. Makeup was done and we did make a pretty good looking couple (not to toot my own horn). 

We went to the party and had lots of fun. It was open bar and both of us drank a bit more then we should have. John had rented a hotel room for the night and we headed there around 1 AM. I will leave out the details of this night. I am sure you guys can guess what happened. 

A few weeks later, while I was at work,  we got in this huge fight because I wouldn't spend Christmas with him. I wanted to be with my friends and roommates and be home so I could call my mom. I said I would be there the day after, on boxing day, to spend a few days with him and his family. John got mad and said that I might as well not bother coming back to his place since I wanted to spend Christmas with some one else. He got really drunk that night and started calling me a whore and a slut and that he would make sure no one ever wanted me again because he knew everyone. I ignored the texts and phone calls and just let him sleep it off. I was not going to cause anymore stress in my life then what he was already doing.

The next day John actually called. I couldn't answer as I was working, but I called him back on break. He apologized, saying he didn't mean it and that he was drunk. He explained on how he lashes out at anyone when he was hurt and he was hurt when I said no to spending the day with him. I explained that just because we are together in a relationship does not mean we need to spend 24/7 together. He said he understood and that he was really, really sorry. That should have been strike two. But things took a bit of a turn and got sort of complicated. 

It was a few days before News Day and I was not feeling so well. I was tired and seemed to have gained a bit of weight. I chalked it up to winter weight and didn't really think anything of it. I went to a friends to babysit for her. She asked how I was feeling and I told her. She said she would be right back and left. I thought she was going out to do her thing, but she came back a few minuets later with a pregnancy test. Told me to go pee on the stick. I told her I was not doing that, there was no possible way. She said to do it just to humor her. So I did. Guess what...it was positive. 

It took me a few days before I told John. I had so much to think about. I was young, I was not ready for this yet. How could I have a baby with some guy I knew there was no future with? Should I even tell him? I never told him about the miscarriage. I could have just up and left and moved back home. Let my child grow up without a dad like I did. It was the best thing for me even though I resented my mom for the longest time for not knowing or telling me who he was. I decided I didn't want that. I wanted my baby to know who his dad was. He needed a stable family. John seemed really happy and he said he loved me and wanted to get married. 

After the New Year, we moved in together. We found a nice house to rent and had a pretty good thing going. John seemed even more happy when we found out the baby was a boy. The first son and Grandson on both sides of the family. Of course, once I had to stop working due to the pregnancy, things turned kind of south again. I was being left at home more because I couldn't drink with him and his friends anymore. He would start staying out all night, not bothering to tell me where he was or what he was doing. I should have left then. When I knew things would not have gotten any better. What could I have done though? I was young, pregnant, and had no family. I felt trapped, alone and scared. 

When I noticed his drinking was getting worse, I learned of ways to avoid him. It mostly involved staying in my room and out of the way. John didn't know when to stop when he got drinking. He just drank to the point of passing out. He would force himself on me. The next morning he wouldn't remember a thing. Then go right back and do it again the next night. It also progressed to during the week. He would call in to work "sick" just because he wanted to stay home and drink with whatever friend he had around at the time. That's when we started to get behind on bills and rent and could barely keep food in the house. 

After our son was born, John went on a four day bender because he was such a "proud father." It's around this time I noticed he was cheating on me too. Since I had just given birth and was stitched up, I couldn't have sex. So he started sleeping with whatever women would spread her legs for him. How did I know he was cheating? One: John brought me home flowers. He never brought me home flowers. Two: He would pass out with his Facebook chats open to whatever girl he was enjoying at the time. And three: I caught him once with a girl a thought was a friend.

After about a year of putting up with it and having to move twice because he spent the rent money on beer and drugs, I finally got the courage to leave. The problem after that was I never stayed away. 

End of Chapter 2

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Living Through Hell Chapter 2
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