Lobster and Chocolate Liqueur

On this particular date, my birthday had just passed and my fiancé and I were celebrating. He took me into Norman, Oklahoma to eat Red Lobster, shop, and just have fun. We had gotten into town right about the time that Red Lobster opened, so that was awesome. I hate being in crowded restaurants. So we are seated and I ordered, for the first time in my life, lobster and shrimp. I had never had a whole lobster before so I was excited! The waiter then took our menus and we were left to sit in romantic lighting, talking and stuffing our faces with delicious biscuits. I picked up the alcohol pamphlet they leave at your table and I was really studying when our waiter came, and he asked us if we wanted an alcoholic beverage to go with our dinner. I'm all like "eh, why not?" And I guess I forgot what I ordered...I have no idea why in the world I would do such a thing, but I did it. I ordered a freaking mudslide; chocolate liqueur and kaluha. It looked so yummy on the paper...but I was wrong. So, so dumb.

I get my ridiculously tall adult milkshake and I start to drink, and then I get my food and I'm all "yaaaaasss!" Lobster with a side of butter sauce with a side of shrimp and veggies and a baked potato. It was so good.

We ate and then left to go walk off our dinner in the mall, and that's when it got funky. I knew something was wrong and every time we passed a restroom I looked longingly at it, but I wanted to tough it out. I didn't want him to know I made myself sick, because that would just be hilarious, hardy har-har. We walked around the mall. The food court smells sucker punched me in the stomach. My social anxiety crept over me and made me feel like everyone was just waiting to laugh at me. I was so sweaty and I was growing more and more nauseous and I didn't know how much longer I could go without getting sick .

We left the mall and the car's air conditioning felt so good on my face, even though it felt like my stomach was hosting this year's wrestlemania. We stopped at dollar tree and it was then that I knew I couldn't keep up the charade much longer. So I walked to the restroom and calmly locked the door, knelt down by the commode, and proceeded to summon a puke demon like no other human has ever heard; like in the Exorcist. My mother has told me that I have sounded like that even when I was a baby, like I was going to burst an organ. This time wasn't any different, but not any less terrifying. I didn't even know if I was gonna survive. And then I stopped and I felt so much better, so I flushed, cleaned myself up, and washed my mouth out, and wiped away my post-barf tears. I calmly walked out of the bathroom to find terrified stares from everyone in the store. I think it was 90 percent fear and like ten percent concern. I was so embarrassed. My fiancé looked at me with eyes of disbelief and helped me in the car. After about ten minutes of making sure I was okay, he laughed. I was totally mortified though, but I guess he'd have to know sooner or later about my craziness.

So to end my story: Don't mix shellfish and a dessert-inspired adult beverage. It's not worth it and your date will think you are the anti-christ.