Loneliness

Loneliness: Can a relationship really cure it?

Everyone feels lonely sometimes—it’s just a normal relationship just like love, happiness, and sadness. However, what does it take to truly feel lonely. Some are alone for a day or a week, but others it can last months and maybe even years, like an illness without a cure. Loneliness is actually quite an underrated emotion, leaving people feeling depressed and even adding to anxieties that may already have existed. Sometimes when a person has been so long it’s hard to find a cure or to try and fix it, and on the flip side of loneliness is relationships and being with someone that you really like and maybe even love. Does jumping to the other end of the spectrum really cure the loneliness that someone felt before? Well, Alain de Botton once said that it’s only when we value companionship at that level that we can choose a person for their merits instead of simply because we think that being in a relationship is going to cure us of some loneliness in our current state. Meaning that relationships may be a quick fix to helping with the short term state of loneliness but in the long run will it help?

Personally, I think it takes time to get out of a state such as loneliness, and there isn’t much of a “cure” to fix it. Yes, a relationship will solve it, and if you truly like the person and want to be with them, it’s a cure, but forcing yourself into date situations or even a relationship isn’t going to help. Sure, dating may help get rid of some of the time spent alone—a meal out with someone to talk about your lives is always a quick break from one’s personal reality—however, it can only make feelings worse.

Lust can also be a quick fix to helping. Having a companion for the night can certainly distract your mind from your true feelings, but believe me at one point you will look back and realise that you only had sex that random man or good friend to fill the void, and it isn’t worth it in the end.

The harsh truth is, there’s no instant cure for loneliness. It’s a feeling that can come and go. It’s a personal battle rather than just an emotional state and can really make someone struggle in their everyday life. It’s an emotion that people would rather bottle up and keep to themselves. Why? Because they’re embarrassed? Because they’re scared? Because they don’t want to try and attention seek? But I say why keep it in. The first step to fixing loneliness is admitting that you are genuinely lonely—whether it’s to a family member, a good friend, or even yourself.

Don’t rush anything. Eventually a relationship will be the end goal but slow the pace—make sure it’s someone that will last, but a short shitty relationship will only put you back into the void and make things worse.

Go on as many dates as it takes. Whether they’re with the same guy or a different one each time. Whether it’s with an old friend from school or a Tinder match from last week. If you feel comfortable with someone and want to see where it could go, a date is the best way forward. Start small, like a local restaurant and then build to the bigger, fancier dates or move onto someone who you see more potential with but branch out.

Don’t be scared of commitment. Whether it's small, like only talking to one person at a time or whether it’s becoming exclusive with someone, commitment shouldn’t be a scary thing, but go at your own pace with what feels right for you personally as that’s they only way to move forward.

Overall, loneliness is a tough emotion to feel, and it might feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, but it will only get better. It’s a personal battle that you control and you can fix a little bit at time, but it’s about taking that first step, getting yourself out there and believing in yourself more. But only you can decide how you want to fix it.